It's truly sad, that I know myself I treat my partner this way. I don't feel happy that I do this, but I literally don't know how to convince myself to stop, I'm constantly googling about the issue, but when the thoughts come into my head I can't seem to control myself. There has been a few times I felt slightly betrayed by him, (not cheating) but I felt hurt, my trust has been wavered.
For example, I am always accusing him of cheating, lieing, being disrespectful to me in general. I'm afraid that I may get to a stage that emotional might turn to physical. I've never done this before, but I am tempted to at times. I have threw objects at walls out of anger.
I feel like an absolute f*cking Physco, we have a 2 year old daughter, she doesn't see me act this way ofcourse, I'm not stupid to do it in front of her and would never jeopardize her health in any way, but the older she gets the more she will realize the unhappiness there is sometimes in our home.
- note : there is some happy times too, maybe times where I'm not as harse or rude to him which are our good days. Any fallouts are usually always initiated by me.
Times I felt betrayed by him would be for example, lieing about gambling issues, staying out all night and not coming back until all hours of the morning, commenting on other girls appearances on a boys group chat. Obviously these are factors which make me feel unappreciated.
So the question is... Is there a solution for me to fix myself? Or... Will I leave him for his own good as I know he could probably have a much happier life with someone else :(
Sorry for the awfully long post. I understand if you got bored reading it as I vented a bit too much , but I honestly don't even think I have the balls to admit this to any of my family or friends in real life which is pathetic of me.