How do you manage mariage, kids, work combined with chronic mental health problems?

[Bornin1969]

Hi there,
I’m almost 40, married for 15 years, 2 teenagers. A job that pays well which sometimes I love sometimes I hate. I suffer from severe anxiety and I have been on citalopram for 13 years. To help manage my anxiety and my irrational thinking I exercice, I eat sensibly and I’m Tee total.

My main worry is money and the potential lack of it, I’m earning well but i’m Self employed so things can change. We are ok, I budget well, we stick to the budget etc... we have a bit leftover at the end of the month.

So you see I’m helping myself, I try to manage myself.

Tonight, it got so bad, I was sobing and had suicidal thoughts. Kids heard and now I’m feeling guilty. The trigger was that I got worried because one of the kid need a tutor. Another outgoing, can we commit ? I’m scared all the time.

How do you all manage, people that can relate a bit to me ?

This must be very hard for you right now OP... What might help is that if you understand that your worries are quite normal. Many of us worry about how we can manage the budget and you seem to be doing a great job of it...

Your anxiety is the problem right now. It is causing a disproportionate response to these "life worries" and making you feel so bad. I would suggest seeing your GP and explaining all this to him. Maybe you need to increase or change medication. You are doing well at keeping up the things YOU can do but if these and the current medication are no longer working so effectively it is time to revisit. Maybe see if you can try some alternative therapies as well ? CBT or EMDR might help ?

Don't try and shoulder this alone. None of us are superhuman. I wish you luck...

RLD

Thank you RLD. Yes a visit to the gp is needed. I'm turning 40 next week and I feel like a massive failure. I can't stop crying.

Just to let you know you’re not alone OP, I too struggle with anxiety and with it depression - last night everything got too much and I had a sobbing fit over everything and nothing. If the citalopram is not longer helping then I echo PP’s advice to go back to your GP.

You’re not a failure, your anxiety is just telling you that. Perhaps some counselling might help?

Where's your dh in this?

Dh is in the same job he has been for the last 20 years and his boss is thinking about retirement. When I met Dh, he sold himself as someone very ambitious but didn't move up the career ladder so we are living within our means but we are struggling a bit. Ideally we should move out but I have my work and support network plus I'm not British.
I work super hard and I'm valued in my work but there is this voice in my head saying : don't get used to be alright, it's not going to last. I have been telling myself to get counselling for a while, it's just the time I don't have but I need it. What the neighbour must think of me ? I was so noisy last night

What I meant was where is he in this emotionally? Is he supportive? What was he doing while you were sobbing?

He said we were going to be alright, not to worry then he left me and went to bed downstairs:(