Hi I’m new here and was just hoping to find someone to talk to who might understand what I’m going through. Sorry if this is all a bit jumbled.
My husband of 4 years (been together 13 years) told me at the end of August that he was ‘done’ with our marriage and wanted out. He had not mentioned anything like this to me before so I was happily plodding along like some kind of fool. We have two children, a 3 year old and a baby who was 5 months when he left (the day after her christening). We had the normal stresses of everyday day life and I have struggled a little with the children since having my first so I know I’ve changed a little since we first got together but not drastically. To me he was a fantastic husband, very supportive, I felt loved and wanted and we shared many happy times together. He was diagnosed with an arithritic back condition several years ago which he does suffer a lot with but is on medication that helps. He signed upfor some CBT therapy to help him deal with the pain and this seems to be what triggered him leaving.
He had three sessions and then told me the therapist had delved into his life and relationship and he had worked out he was unhappy, didn’t feel very loved anymore and felt like his life was too planned out for him. He said he felt like I didn’t give him enough attention anymore and that I didn’t do my fair share around the house. I tried to talk about these things with him, held my hands up to a lot of it and asked if he would try and work through it or at least come to counselling with me as I loved him. At this point he then said he was confused but he actually felt like he had never loved me and for that reason he didn’t want to try. He said he should have been more assertive in the relationship and spoken up sooner. I look back at the years we had together and find it hard to believe what he was saying. It was like he was talking about a completely different realtionship!
I didn’t want to but I asked if there was someone else as I couldn’t believe he would want to leave so easily. Especially as he doted on the girls and was far more hands on with them then most men I know. He swore on their lives there was no one else which I thought I believed but as time goes on I wonder. He only sees the girls once a week and occasionally FaceTimes but that’s it. He is rushing to separate all our finances, and anything we had together. He refuses to talk to me, any time I dare bring anything up about ‘us’ he just ignores my texts. So I don’t bother trying now.
I’m struggling to look after the children all by myself but getting on the best I can as he doesn’t offer much help. I cry most nights as I miss the husband he was. However he has turned into a cold distant man who I don’t recognise. I dread seeing him when he picks the children up it just hurts too much. But he seems to be fine with everything. I suppose I’m struggling with the idea that he seems to think it’s fine he’s walked out on me and two young children. He’s living with his parents currently (they haven’t spoken to me about the situation since he left so I don’t know what’s he told them) but he says he will get his own place in time. I’m not sure how he will do that financially though. I’m not sure how I’ll manage financially either but he has assured me I can stay in the house. The only half decent thing he’s said.
Anyway sorry for the ramble just felt like I wanted to get it off my chest. Probably loads I’ve missed out but would love to hear from anyone who has gone through anything similar and might have some insight or help.