Please help me

[Heartbreakmotel]

Hey think my marriage is over, my husband appears not to love me any more and I’m heartbroken

We’ve been together 10 years, married for 7. I had our second child 6 days ago and we have a 5.5 year old son

A month before the birth I felt like something was wrong and to my shame I checked his Facebook messenger, there were ‘fishing’ messages to a couple of ex girlfriends, one ending in her giving him her number and suggesting they chat on WhatsApp. I confronted him and he held up his hands straight away, said they’d been chatting in WhatsApp and had talked about meeting up but not done it. He showed me the text messages but said he couldn’t show me WhatsApp as he’s deleted the conversation already. He said he did feel like we had been ‘us’ for a long time and part of him had wondered ‘what if’ with this girl.

I was devastated, couldn’t believe he would ever do that to me especially 8 months pregnant.

He said he’d change his phone number and delete Facebook and he wanted to try. A week later he still hasn’t changed his number though he did delete fb and WhatsApp the day after I confronted him. Then I notice he’s getting messenger notifications on his tablet while my son is playing with it, I ask him about it and he says he reinstated it because it’s how he arranges his hobby. Of course I lose my shit over it, ask him why he didn’t tell me and hasn’t changed his number, he says he got a new SIM card but it’s ‘hassle’ Next day he changes his number and deletes Facebook again. Things seem a bit better after that, I ask to see his phone and he gives it to me straight away.

Fast forward, I gave birth last Saturday, horrendous birth, have high blood pressure and been in surgery twice but finally got home last night.

We had a rough night so I suggest he goes for a nap, I’m looking through WhatsApp and decide to check if he’s been on. He has. A week ago at 4am on his OLD phone number so he’s obviously still using it

So I’m now totally fucked, I’m on maternity leave so no money, 2 children that I’m going to have to provide for and the man I thought I would grow old with has shafted me and broken my heart.

I’m going to confront him when he wakes up but I have no idea how I’m going to get through this.

I wish he’d died than done this to me

What can I do?

Aw, please be kind to yourself. You’ve just had a baby and you don’t need to make any big decisions.

He’s made the decision for us though, if one person doesn’t love the other any more then it’s ovrr isn’t it, there’s nothing I can do about thsy

Dont rush, you can still recover from the birth etc. There is no rush to leave straight away is there?
I know it hurts, I really truly do know. But try as hard as you can just to enjoy the new baby, recover and then later on decide what you want. Now is not the time to pick up and go.

He’s a major wanker. He’s had his chance and he blew it. I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you right after giving birth. Sending you a huge hug. Personally I wouldn’t have the ability or desire to try to resolve something like this with a person they is capable of this. At your most vulnerable time he’s behaving like this? He’s a waste of space.

However you need him on board right now so that you can recover from the pregnancy and labour etc . He has responsibility for your children too. That shouldn’t change. There are various options right now, what are you leaving towards? x

What an awful thing to do to you heavily pregnant, I hope he's very ashamed!!

Are you able to go and stay with your parents and get some much needed support right now? A little distance might just give him the rocket up the backside he so deserves.. hugs xx

Dont rush you’ve just had a baby so take your time. Sounds like he’s felt “neglected” (men are idiots) whilst you have been pregnant and looking after your other child. Get him busy helping out with new baby and dont send him off to rest u have the rest!!! Be kind to yourself. See what happens and how you feel in time. He needs to support you now you have 2 children and see if that happens...?

How awful for you op. I agree don’t rush into anything at the moment. Big hugs x

I just swing wildly from being devastated to scared to hoping it’s a ‘glitch’ on WhatsApp, his last log in shows 29/10 but last see on out chat shows September which is when he first deleted it

I confronted him, he immediately offered up his old phones for me to check, neither had a SIM card but that doesn’t prove anything does it

I just don’t know how to get past this even if I believed him which right now I don’t think I do

Why do you think he doesn't love you?

Because you don’t do that to someone you love

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP, especially after just having a baby. This is such an emotional time anyway, without all this going on. I think the main issue here is that you just do not trust him. It would seem that no matter what he does/says, you just don't believe him.
It looks as though he hasn't actually cheated on you, but you're not convinced he;s not still messaging his ex.
Whether he's telling the truth this time or not, you have to decide whether you can ever really trust him again.
Don't make any rash decisions, try to take a bit of time.

Take your time OP

This does NOT mean he doesn’t love you 💐