I've had enough of life, no one to talk to

[TooOldForThis67]

I know it's late and I've had a glass of wine but when can I ever be honest with anyone otherwise.
So, in this last year I have been through so much shit, it's unbelieveable. No one could make it up.

1. Separated from DH but still co habiting.

2.. Affair with MM ended.

1. Dated multiple men, slept with most of them.
2. Going through the menopause.
3. My Dad died.
4. Caught an STD.
5. Arrested for domestic violence even though my ex gave evidence to the contray. Long story. I really am innocent.
6. Son's continual MH issues.

I wake up and sometimes wonder why I bother but my DS and pets keep me going. I mask everything. I try to be normal. I am on antidepressants. I often sit and cry during the day/night. I don't know what to do as I seem to have so many issues. If it was just one thing, I could cope and get help but this is all too much. I have no one in RL that I could talk to about this as it's just too much.
I don't know why I'm posting or what I'm asking. I'm in a very dark place but can't reach out to anyone close to me.

I wish I could give you sage advice, but I just wanted you to know someone was listening. Why do you think you do these things to hurt yourself? Where do you want to be? What happened with your DH, and why are you still cohabiting?

Just wanted you to know someone is here too.

Sometimes life gives you a lot of shit all at once, and then all we can see is one shitstorm after another. It won’t feel like it now, but this time will pass.

When it feels like too much, write down the issues, try and tackle them one by one. It’s ok to feel sorry for yourself. But you need to pick yourself up and dust yourself down.

I think going back to the GP is a must. Maybe the anti-depressants aren’t doing what they should.

Despite what you feel now, you are worthy, loved, and needed. Get yourself an appointment and take it all one day at a time. Good luck x

Sometimes when so much shit has happened it feels completely overwhelming and its hard to see the way forward. It might not seem like it right now, but it will pass and you won't always feel like this.
When it feels really bad just try to make it through the next hour, set yourself little goals eg I just need to get through this next task or to lunchtime and only think about that bit. Then when you get there, okay let's get through til 2 o clock and concentrate on that. And so on. Can break down getting through the day. Remembering that it won't always feel this bad and putting one foot in front of the other until it starts to ease.
Maybe you don't need to tell someone everything that's going on, if that's stopping you reaching out for help. Maybe just saying you're having a crap day or you're really low at the moment and could use a hand or to do something together to distract you and lift your mood a bit.
The smallest things can make a big difference when you're in a dark place.
Agree with gp visit, ask for further support, maybe talking therapy? Be kind to yourself

Thanks maximus.
Why Platypus do you think I am doing these things to hurt myself? I know I didn't put a lot of detail but really, I didn't set out to do any of it. I ended my relationship with my STBX but he wouldn't move out. I couldn't cope. I jumped into dating too soon, I admit. Affair with married man nearly destroyed me and then on rebound did OLD.
I've been back to GP but all they do is up my dosage which makes me a zombie. I have a young child to look after so it isn't practical.
I often feel like I am just a day away of being diagnosed with a terminal illness, because of my Dad's cancer. Two other close members of my family have long term health issues. I feel doomed. Everything is black. Why aren't I dead yet, I deserve it more than them.

Thanks Rose. I think I've felt so low for so long that it's only just hitting me how shit my life has been.

Hi OP, about 12 years ago I was severely depressed to the point where I was suicidal. I got some counselling on the NHS, which helped, but the best thing I did was talk to the Samaritans. I have a friend who went to the Samaritans as well. That charity got us both through some black times. It used to be free and you can call them at any time of the night - on 116 123 (UK).

Please see the link: www.samaritans.org/

Just try to get through the night. Tomorrow is another day. Then you get through that day. Then the next. Just take one day at a time.

Sorry, OP, my first thoughts on reading your post were that you didn't like yourself or your life very much. With the married man and all the affairs and the std I got the impression you were subconsciously hurting yourself for some reason. Please don't get me wrong, I am NOT saying it is in any way your fault, just an observation from the outside.

Sometimes when I have not liked myself/ my life I have done things that hurt me, almost because I disn't feel I deserved better. I was projecting a bit. I really wasn't being critical.