Just need to let off steam I guess (have nc'd).
I have the day off work tomorrow and have made plans. However I just received a text from my mother saying "I'm making X for dinner tomorrow, can make extra for you if you want to come over before you go to do Y. Let me know".
I'd been craving a certain type of food and was going to have it tomorrow. But then she texts offering her own good home cooking and I'm thrown. I have plans at night and was going to get the takeaway on the way home. For some reason (hormones?) I'm feeling irrationally annoyed about this. I could easily tell her no and I had actually told her that I was going to be getting this takeaway when I was over on Wednesday. But I'm just feeling frustrated. I usually visit 3 times a week, is that too much? I live close by and she's a good cook and it's nice to have someone else make stuff when I'm not that great at cooking (but I do try). And we have a laugh sometimes. But I'm an introverted loner and I enjoy my own company sometimes. And she's one of these people who talk ten to the dozen about loads of crap ("I met old Mr so-and-so yesterday and he was telling me about blah" when I don't even know who she's talking about. "Oh yes you do, you met him when you were 5, don't you remember?" She jumps from one subject to the next without pausing for breath and it can be exhausting to listen to. I get told off for looking at my phone or not listening to her. Like if I'm trying to read a book I'm rude because I'm not paying attention to whatever she's decided to talk about.
Like I said, I love my mum but she gets on my nerves sometimes. My brother once said that she wants the same kind of relationship with me that she has with my grandmother, who is in her 90s. They go shopping frequently, trips to the high street into M&S etc but that bores me to tears. I'm not interested in watching soaps or gameshows. I like to read, she doesn't. We're very different people who happen to be mother and daughter.
I'm the black sheep of the family. I voted remain while they all voted leave. My parents are quite old fashioned in their views, women shouldn't go back to work after kids, a bit racist and Daily Mail-ish. I don't have kids and although I have a semi-decent job I'm not career orientated but I like to experience different things and travel and have fun.
She has always tried to stop us doing things that she wouldn't do. My DB works away from home in a job that is slightly dangerous and she got all stressed out when he announced he was doing that and tried to talk him into getting a job nearby. Years ago I decided to go travelling for a year and she tried to guilt me into staying by saying "Do you realise how old your grandmother is?!" I stuck to my guns and went, grandmother is still alive and well.
Various stories like that. When I turned 18 she said that if I had a kid I wasn't to expect her to look after it. I think that's when I started to think I wouldn't have kids. Another time when I was planning on going abroad she said that I should spend the money getting a new fence instead, as my previous one had blown down in the gales. This was a once-in-a-lifetime trip and I did not want to miss it. I went and it changed my life and my outlook , I'm so glad I did it and I paid for the stupid fence later on. Afterwards she told me I was in a cult (it was a spiritual trip, not a regular holiday) so I told her if I was in a cult she wouldn't even see me, I wouldn't be over there sitting on the sofa talking to her. Grrr.
So she doesn't stop me doing stuff, but she tries. Because she worries perhaps, she is a worrier. She says things like "I'm just trying to guide you". But I'm not a child. It frustrates me that I feel like a kid who can't do anything (when I've travelled the world and have a lot of responsibility at work and volunteer etc). They respect my brother now, he has a family of his own and they wouldn't dare tell him what to do now.
Mum seems to have quite a bit of anxiety and depression (not making much of an effort with her appearance etc). She shouts a lot and tends to shoot first and ask questions later. But she thinks she's fine. She's always been funny about sex and growing up. I was one of the last in my class to be told about periods. When she finally told me she started sobbing, it was so embarrassing I just wanted her to go away. I didn't get a bra until I was 15 (and I needed one), I had to say "What about one of these?" and pick up a bra instead of a vest or crop top when we were shopping. Finally. I'd had enough of the other girls laughing at me in the changing rooms. I do feel quite a bit of resentment about this, even though it was years ago. Surely she knew?
My partner lives overseas and visits occasionally but I think her greatest fear is that I might leave and move to his country. I think the plan is for him to come here but we'll see. We are engaged and recently I told her we'd been thinking about when to get married and she said "God. And where would you live?!" No "Oh that's nice, what are you thinking of doing?" I feel about 10 years old sometimes, it's so depressing.
Now I feel like a bitch for saying stuff about my mum, even though she won't read it. I do love her, it's just hard at times. Other people have it so much worse, or don't see their mums - one of my friends overseas said this actually that she was envious I see my mum so much because she'd not seen her for a few years.
I haven't replied to the text yet, I felt quite ragey when I first read it and I'm trying to calm down. I don't even know why I feel like that and she was being kind offering me dinner. Maybe I like not feeling obligated.