Trying to figure out what our problem is and how to move forward

[relationshipwoes]

Apologies in advance this might be a bit of a brain dump as I am trying to sort things out in my head. I’m not sure if DH loves me, he’s not sure either and has said as much. But equally some of his reasons are that he himself feels unloved, and he’s probably got a point. As I’m not sure I do love him.

Or, maybe I do, but I am just so worn down by life...mental health, bereavement, loss of career, DC worries that I just cant find the energy to either nurture our relationship. Nor can I summon the energy to separate.

What a mess. Things have been like this for a long time.

I would like things to get better and don’t want to break up the family, and for the reasons mentioned above I could very well be no happier on my own. DH does more than his share at home and with the DC as well as financially provide a nice life.

Not really sure what I’m asking but does anyone have any thoughts or ideas for how I can move forward? Have already tried couple counselling and I am also now seeing a counsellor alone.

It’s good you’re seeing a counsellor on your own. It sounds like you’ve got a lot to deal with.
It also seems like you and dh don’t have time together or much of a connection.
Can you find ways to connect with each other?

Agreed, we need to find ways to connect, it’s just hard in practice - he’s often not home til gone 7pm, and we’re both tired. I feel like he sees me as hard work - I probably am. Plus kids don’t go to be much before 9pm.

Sorry, I don’t mean to sound negative. I’ve tried suggesting meeting for lunch, but he won’t prioritise it over work.

Does anyone have any practical suggestions about how we could connect a bit more? I’m gonna google for some ideas too...

Do you have dinner together?
Do you have anyone to babysit so you and dh can go out?
Are you intimate with each other?

No, he’s home too late/DC clubs etc make it tricky
Not really, though should probably make more effort to make this happen.
No, intimacy is a big problem.

That said, we have just had a good chat about a couple of things and I am not feeling quite so down about it all. I think it’s going to be a slow process and I/we need to be patient.

Thank you for the input, I really appreciate it.

I'm in same boat to be honest. Not sure I do love mine. Effort feels like such hard work. I often wonder if I'd miss him if he wasn't here or we are just mismatched and we'd be better separate and free to move on. Feel indifferent about him. Sorry not useful advice but to know you're not alone x

Sorry to hear that cantbeat. How long have you felt like this and have you made any previous efforts to remedy things?

To me, there is no doubt that communication is absolutely everything, so so that is where I am focussing on for the time being. It is hard to rebuild channels of communication that have become blocked though.