Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Single mummas....what do you do when you have no adult conversation?

58 replies

Bubblesandcake · 08/11/2018 20:10

I struggle some days more than others. I have family but they have absolutely no interest at all. I have had 2 interviews this week after 8 years of study/work/single parenting. It's been tough. This week has also been tough. I have had a rollercoaster few years and I'm finally applying for work. With nobody to share it with. I have been sat here for hours doing homework with my 2 dd's after a stressful day. I am sat here now thinking how nice it would be to sit and chat to an adult with a glass of wine but I don't have anyone.
Is there anyone out there that finds this part of single parenting difficult?

OP posts:
LonelyandTiredandLow · 09/11/2018 23:53

Yeah ok, read most of the thread. Would second about the sleeping at the same time as your child - whiles away the hours although also leaves you feeling cheated. I now have 5 or so friends who I have told I may ring when I have had a glass or intend to have a glass of wine. I then sit and ring them in succession when I need a chat. If none answer I watch an episode or 2 of something then try again. I've thus technically called 5 ppl twice but increased my chances of getting a 20 min adult convo. It's shit but pays off if one or two ring back and get an engaged signal - then msg you to say they'll call you the next day. IME we don't want to be pests so we forget to be pro-active. So many married friends of mine have been aghast that I say that I'd not call them in the evening because they are part of a couple. As they say they are so lonely and assumed I was out having fun! Just don't focus on 1 person, spread the load of convo's, and you'll be fine. x

SpeckledDot · 10/11/2018 06:53

I've never really been one for phone calls. I never know what to say and i feel under pressure to not be boring (which is hard because i am)

mumto2babyboys · 10/11/2018 06:59

I work ft but I go to bed as same time as my kids. Sometimes 8pm lol but it's exhausting doing all the housework and laundry and everything.

I do also get woken up several times by 1 yr old who won't sleep through the night. Means I miss out on all the tv and don't have a clue when other people talk about watching things on tv last night.

It is very lonely. I've tried getting a babysitter but with my youngest not sleeping I'd to come back home again early to settle him and it's so expensive. And I'm so tired to go out just seems like such a hassle atm.

I'm going to start going out again when mine are a bit older.

Feel free to message me as I also find it very lonely as and single parent.

mumto2babyboys · 10/11/2018 07:00

Congrats on the job

mumto2babyboys · 10/11/2018 07:04

If you start a group please add me.

I talk to people in work but they all have their own families to do stuff with at weekends Sad

dilly123 · 10/11/2018 07:13

Single parent for 10 years... eldest dd has contact with her dad but he rarely has her to stay.. say one weekend every 3/4 months she's 15.. youngest is 6 & no contact at all with his dad.. I get the saying 'twice the work, but you get twice the love back' but it can be so isolating & a lonely life.. I now have a partner (new & see him once a week) but before that I could literally pick ds up from school Friday afternoon & not speak to another adult til Monday.. unless we went out shopping or something.. none of my friends single & obviously weekends are family times.. for me they were torture & so unhappy. I know some people slam it but social media was my company.. sad as it sounds but without fb & Instagram I'd have been completely cut off

par05 · 10/11/2018 07:15

Does your dc go to school yet? I met a few other mum's when my eldest started school we ring or meet up and have a natter still, even though kids aren't friends anymore diff comps now.

giggleshizz · 10/11/2018 07:33

This is me! Single mum to 6 yr old DD. I'm very lonely esp in the evenings, not sure I want to cohabit again but would love to date and have adult conversation and physical contact!!

Yesterday DD did something brilliant at school yesterday and the only person I had to tell was my mum. I never put stuff like that on social media as it looks stealthy but I felt really sad having no one to share with :(

Original poster
Bubblesandcake · 10/11/2018 08:01

MonaChopsis thankyou :) yes my answer is usually 'nothing, I have been up to nothing'! I sometimes think....right try to think of something interesting to say. I hear people chatting about their big exciting plans. I'm over here dreaming of having plans haha!
Thanks everyone for your messages :)

OP posts:
PivotPivotPIVOTTT · 10/11/2018 08:19

I get so embarrassed when people as me what I've been up to me and having to reply "nothing" all the time.

Me and my children spend time with my parents at the weekend which is my only form of socialising. I have given up asking friends to meet up as always met with an excuse . I decided ages ago to wait until they ask me and here I am still waiting 😂.

I really want to get back to work but getting constant knockback emails for my applications and one failed interview has knocked my confidence. I am going to college but the course does start until August/September. Another 9/10 months of isolation and hopefully I will make some knew friends there!

Original poster
Bubblesandcake · 10/11/2018 08:23

mumto2babyboys thankyou :) aww you sound like you are doing a great job. Broken/lack of sleep is hard work, especially if you work too. I don't blame you for going to bed so early. It is lonely being a single parent.
I am always tired!! Some days I have my head together and feel super independent and get things done and other days I put on odd socks, spit toothpaste in my own hair, forget to pack a swim kit, or to pick up milk and end up crying into my coffee cup and that's all by 9am. It's like an emotional rollercoaster with nobody to talk to about it. Feel free to message me too :)
dilly123 I completely understand, my dd's go to their dads every other Sunday for lunch and that is it. He has no other input physically or emotionally. We are used to it now but its hard. I'm not keen on Facebook but like Instagram and that's my only connection too. I hope things work out for you and your new man takes you out now and then to spoil you.
par05 both dd's are a little older 11 and 13. I have met other mums but I have never been able to socialise with them as I have always worked/studied. I have met one mum recently and we have got together on a couple of occasions which was nice. Our girls go to a singing class together so we share lifts. I think this week I felt, it would have been nice to share my experiences with and last night celebration with someone. I'm ok today :)
giggleshizz I understand. It's so difficult isn't it. Why don't you try dating again if it's something you might enjoy?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bubblesandcake · 10/11/2018 08:27

PivotPivotPIVOTTT I feel the same. Everyone is busy with families. I don't have single friends. Well done on your course. What will you be studying? It seems a while away but will soon be here. You will feel good. I remember when I first went back to study. You feel a sense of achievement. You will keep busy then too. Don't let one interview dishearten you. I know it's tough but put it down to experience. My first interview this week was awful and the 2nd felt better. Keep going :)

OP posts:
PivotPivotPIVOTTT · 10/11/2018 08:37

Bubbles thank you well done on your job it will make such a big difference socially. What will you be doing?

My course if just a medical admin course but I'm happy with that as it's something I'm comfortable doing. From a young age I have worked in admin but a big gap on my CV is making it hard for me to find a job. So hoping a year of studying with a qualification at the end will make it easier for me to walk in to an admin job. I was supposed to start the course in September just gone but didn't feel ready to leave my youngest yet (I'm ready now she turned into a devil child in the past couple of months 😂)

Original poster
Bubblesandcake · 10/11/2018 08:49

PivotPivotPIVOTTT that's sounds great and there will be lots of jobs out there when you finish. Good for you! Keep going on the job hunting, I came accross soooo many hurdles but learnt so much and learnt so much about me along the way. It makes you more determined. Focus on your plans for next year. In the mean time keep posting here for company:)
I'm qualifying as a mental health nurse in March and have the choice of a children's ward or an adult so I have a tough decision to make :)

OP posts:
PivotPivotPIVOTTT · 10/11/2018 08:57

Bubbles well done what a brilliant achievement I bet that took a lot of hard work but so worth it in the end.

scotgal2017 · 10/11/2018 09:16

Well done on job!

if you are a social butterflly and find it easy to talk to, try joining groups on the Meetup App. i joined an all ladies get together group a few months back. when kids were with their father, had a night out and it was fab. All the women were really nice, a mixture of ages and stories and we had a lot of fun. Meetup also has other groups depending on your interests.

I also have started working again and so go out for lunch sometimes with colleague etc which is great, it helps a lot.

My dogs are also relieved because there was a long period where they would have to listen to me yammer on at them constantly lol x

giggleshizz · 10/11/2018 11:17

I've tried dating online - very Unsuccessfully so far I'm afraid 😫

Lifeisabeach09 · 10/11/2018 11:34

Join single parent groups. Any Gingerbread or Meetup.com groups in your area?
Or create one on Facebook (if you're on it).

BiscuitDrama · 10/11/2018 11:40

Have you looked at Meetup? There are loads of groups, like Sunday afternoon walking which maybe you could do if children both were busy?

BiscuitDrama · 10/11/2018 11:40

Ah, hadn’t seen the last post!

Original poster
Bubblesandcake · 10/11/2018 11:47

I have tried meetup. There is never anything in my area. It's definitely a good idea though :)

OP posts:
Florries · 10/11/2018 11:52

Congrats on the job! If it wasn't for my job. I'd go weeks without seeing another adult!!

babbi · 10/11/2018 11:59

Congratulations on getting the Job !!!

Agree a chatter group on here would be good

Leobynature · 10/11/2018 13:53

It’s not just single mums that find it hard!

I have DH to talk to but I don’t like to rely on him for my social world. It isvimportant to me that I have friends and hobbies outside of my relationship.

All my friends are single and don’t have any kids so they don’t always appreciate that I can’t do things at a drop of a hat and I feel like I’m boring them to death when I talk about DD. I definitely need more mommy friends.

It’s hard putting yourself out there. I’ve gone back to work when DD was 7 months old which helps. So far I have invited some women I work with who also have children on play dates. I’m trying to find interesting things to talk about with them.

I need to find an alternative response to ‘nothing’ When i am being asked what have I been up to lately. Any suggestions would be appreciated 😊

mumto2babyboys · 10/11/2018 15:17

@Leobynature

This is aimed at single parents. I haven't been a single mum for very long, I'm getting divorced now but you really don't understand