my mum is too clingy

[mybeautifulchaos]

I am a 32 year old mum of 3 kids age 11, 10 and 7.
I have a lovely husband and he is very supportive of me and the children and we are happy.

The problem I have is my mum. I am an only child and she still contacts me everyday in the mornings to check i have made it through the night! If i fail to respond to this she sends another message and then if i dont respond to this she gets my dad to text me or will drive round to check i am ok.

i have talked to her many many times over the past 15 years i have been living away and all i get is she likes to hear from me and why would i not want to text her, she makes herself out to be the victim.

I do not want no relationship with my mother or father but i want some space from them.
Also when we have told them to call or text before coming round doesnt help as she just says that she doesnt see why she needs to book an appointment to see us. I feel they are intrusive and overbearing in our lives.
If we try and tell her to text less and give us some space she cries and tells us she is not a bad person and then my Dad will send some abusive message saying how disappointed he is in my attitude.

My eldest daughter is also severley autistic and my parents massively favour her over my other 2 children. My other children notice this and we have tried talking to them about it but again are told we are just making it up. They will sit for hour fawning all over the eldest but literally not really acknowledge the other 2.

Help!!

I know what you mean OP. I am also an 'only' and my mother can be very intense. For example, she's asked me to text her when I get home from nights out (that she hasn't been involved in). Er, no. I'm in my 40's with a long-term partner and have lived away from home for a long time. She also calls and messages every day and tells me about every little detail of what's going on with her and expects me to reciprocate.

You'll get posters telling you how grateful you should be that she cares so much and so on. I also find it overbearing and smothering though and there's an element of controlling behaviour with the guilty feelings and emotional blackmail. I'm quite a private person and have had to manage her a little by pulling back and going a bit 'grey rock' at times.

If it were just you, that would be bad enough but it's clearly affecting your kids. I think the only thing you can do is pull back and assert your boundaries firmly and keep re-asserting them when they play up. That's going to be painful short-term because they're likely to turn on the waterworks and the abuse. It's good that you're husband is so supportive.

I will be interested to read other poster's thoughts.

I'm an only and have undergone similar problems. My parents have always been far too involved and tended to sulk if I made big decisions without consulting them. I wish I'd been assertive earlier.

I think they just want to help u and love u so much although your mum seems a bit needy but think because u are a only child this could be the reason to me it seems like u are their world & they want to spend time with u, i know u feel that u want space but when they are gone i bet u will look back and be glad u had all this time with them,if u tell them u are busy do they still just come around? Have they always been this way? I do totally understand tho as u do need time to do your own life and need space . I also have a disabled child so it is hard for people to treat them the same as the others ,when your parents do this then just u give your other children attention so they dont feel left out x