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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What have I done.

5 replies

ohnooooo · 08/11/2018 14:38

Please go easy on me.

So I kind of have a partner. It's a very strange set up. He doesn't live with me, doesn't contribute (as he's not long been made redundant but never really contributed before this either), we have two children together but I am basically a single parent. He goes out god knows where until god knows when then goes back to his house while I'm at my home with the kids. Flits in and out during the day. Isn't very nice to me, talks to me like rubbish quite frequently and has to apologise because he realises. We very rarely have sex. We do get on very great though and even though I really feel like ending things, I don't want things to affect our children.

So a few weeks ago my friend, who I've known for at least 8 years got back in touch. We speak on and off, going through stages of speaking everyday and then we'll both be busy with our own things then come back to each other. He's an absolutely amazing friend and has helped me a lot. I'm starting to develop feelings for him. He's single and is very much interested in taking things further. Nothing has happened, I haven't invited him round to my house or anything because I feel guilty on the father of my children and rightly so. Even on a friend's basis, if my children's father found out he would not be very happy.

It's such a strange situation but what would you do if you were me? Tell the friend I can't speak so often anymore and distance myself or have a long hard look at my "relationship"?

OP posts:
StormTreader · 08/11/2018 14:49

You dont have a relationship though, do you? In any sense of the word. What you have is a fairly mediocre friend who is the father of your children and occasionally lets himself into your house to hang out.

Regardless of anything to do with your other friend, why would you limit yourself by saying this is a relationship when it clearly isnt and hasnt been for ages?

Costacoffeeplease · 08/11/2018 15:09

What right does the children’s father have to be ‘not very happy’?

He flits in and out, doesn’t contribute and talks to you like shit. Time to stop the ‘flitting’ get access and child support on a proper footing and be free to pursue other relationships

Don’t be a mug any longer

Trinity66 · 08/11/2018 15:12

Regardless of this friend you have feelings for you should finish up the relationship with your kids father, it sounds like it's at a dead end tbh.

Bananalanacake · 08/11/2018 15:17

Is he looking for a proper job so he can contribute towards his children.

Varmints · 08/11/2018 15:22

Ditch the loser dad and explore a relationship with your friend.

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