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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Is this abuse? Or is it me?

11 replies

Yoel · 08/11/2018 10:52

So I’m a little nervous to post this because of the circumstances.
Due to family situation I ended up being an escort at a young age, due to the stigma I am nervous but whilst I did that I had my own city centre two bed apartment, savings, I was independent.
I met a guy as a client, and we spent 48 hours straight together we just clicked, we didn’t sleep together though. He was married, we texted for a while. He told his wife they was like roommates and he wanted to move out, he asked to move in with me and I said no. I said it was too quickly for me. He got his own apartment nearby. It was nice he was like a Prince Charming in my life. Everything I ever wanted in a man.
I stopped escorting as I knew it hurt him, I also got sick. I had an infection and it was running me down. We said we was gonna get a house together, I put towards the deposit and rent etc. I was so nervous to live with someone due to family situations when I was younger but I put all my belief in him.
Fast forward months later and so many red flags ignored - texting his ex wife about therapy and very weird stuff. He met with another escort behind my back, he came home I check his phone and found out, he told me it was to get information on me like he was a detective. This killed me.
Now every arguements he threatened to go book a girl, he shamed me so much for working in the past (even tho when we first met he respected it as he saw how independent I was) he put me down.

The other night he asked me did I want to attend a party I said we will see. I am quite shy and reversed and enjoy alone time. I’m very introverted.
He then called me a cunt with so much venom and hatred in his voice. I went upstairs and stayed quiet. I knew what was coming.
He went on for about half an hour to an hour non stop insulting me, saying I’m weird, saying I’m a freak I have no friends, telling me only a hoe or a escort would not go to parties because she’s scared to meet her ex clients there or something. I’m a horrible human being. Im a leech.

He pays everything for his ex wife even her sky and cleaner and rent bills etc. I recently got a full time job and paid him nearly all my wage towards the bills even tho he makes so much money he tells me. The company closed down so I lost my job. I went on UC and sent him the full payments immediately.

If I say I’ve been invited out he pulls his face, he takes my phone of me if we argue as he pays the bills, he even turns the internet of if I am not doing what he wants.
Lately he is demanding we have sex everyday and I need to be naughtier etc. EVERYTIME I see him he makes a sexual comment. He touches me without asking and it makes me feel uncomfortable.

Last night he strangled me, he threw my laptop on the floor. I was scared of him. He text me about the rent and do I have it knowing I don’t have it but I literallly gave the UC money straight to him to try help, he told me to go out and sell my cunt for it.

I feel so broken. I really believed this was real. I don’t think he even likes me.

OP posts:
Blondebakingmumma · 08/11/2018 10:59

I’m worried for your safety. Please leave

Nanny0gg · 08/11/2018 11:07

And speak to the police

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 08/11/2018 11:16

Please please leave. Strangling you is the biggest red flag in a whole sea of red flags you’ve mentioned. He is dangerous. I’m worried for your safety xx

LilyMumsnet · 08/11/2018 11:21

Hi Yoel

We're so sorry for what you're going through right now. Please do take a look at our webguide here. There are some useful links to support and RL help. You can also visit woman's aid here.

Whilst support and advice from other Mnetters is great, it can't replace RL assistance, which we highly recommend seeking.

Flowers
Bananalanacake · 08/11/2018 11:21

It's good you don't have kids together. Is it his place or yours. Sorry it wasn't clear. Can you pack and leave now. Have you family close by.

peopleispeople · 08/11/2018 11:21

It is not you. It is abuse. I am trying hard to try to come to terms with how my ex treated me and that he has recently broke up with me.

I miss him and can't imagine not being with him.

But we do not deserve to be treated this way.

Honeybee79 · 08/11/2018 11:26

Please leave and inform the police. He is dangerous. Do you have a friend you can stay with?

Mousey765 · 08/11/2018 11:29

He is an absolute cunt. Scum!

He is physically, emotionally and financially abusing you. Please contact the Police to try and get away safely. I'm sure everyone on here wishes they could more for you.

You sound like a very strong woman who has gone through a lot and done a lot for yourself. Shame about your recent job but I am sure once you are free from this man and on your own feet again and able to focus on yourself, you will be able to find something for yourself. You are none of the things he has called you!

Villagelifer · 08/11/2018 11:35

It doesn't matter what you are or what you've done. The things you have described are never ok or justified.

Don't put yourself in danger by talking to him about it. When it's safe to do so leave.

Find help. You won't be judged, it's not your fault and nothing in your past makes you less deserving.

NotTheFordType · 08/11/2018 11:50

Strangling is the number one indicator for attempted murder. The fact he's gone straight from 0 to 60 (unless there have been other physically violent episodes you didn't mention) is very concerning.

I would strongly suggest calling Women's Aid for help and advice. You need help to get out of there.

hellsbellsmelons · 08/11/2018 13:07

Where are you OP?
England????
You need to get out asap. Like URGENTLY!
He will very likely kill or badly injure you.
Get to the police and tell them everything.
If you can't then print out this thread and give it to them to read.
But I can't emphasis this enough....
GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!!!!

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