Partner threatening to leave

[Eighties01]

I am 10 weeks pregnant with my first child from my partner of 6 years. He does not want me to have the baby and is pushing for an abortion. I am 39 years old so concerned that If I do not have this baby i will not get another chance. He has a child already that is 9 which I have never met. He says to me that he wanted things done the right way before we have children, get a home sorted etc, but he seems to have every excuse under the sun to commit to me in any way. I am desperate for him to change his mind, but I do not think he will. When I told him I had my scan date he said tell me the bad news when is it. I am torn now if I should keep the baby. " Do I want to have a bay with this man" even though before it is all I wanted. Can't believe the way he is behaving and the nastiness. Cannot stop crying and it's on my mind 24/7. Has anyone been through anything similar or have any advice.

Also, what kind or person says "tell me the bad new, when is it?". That's absolutely heartbreaking to hear he has said this to you. Do you really want to be in a relationship with a person who has such a callous attitude? You say he wants things done the right way before having children....does he not realise you are 39??! What is there to wait for?!

This (waste of space) man, has had SIX of what is likely the last years of your fertility. You want this baby, this is most likely your last chance! You are 39 and by the time you dump his sorry ass and find a partner who wants to start a family, you may be too late!

If you had not stayed with him, you could have met another man and had several children by now! Your p has deliberately stolen your fertile years and prevented your having any dc ! All along knowing that he

He is a massive cunt.
Your relationship is over now anyway (well it should be... treating you that way would be the end if it was me) so really it’s down to you.
Personally I would not terminate, you clearly want this baby and you will be heartbroken if you abort.
You can do this alone, I did. I had no career, 22yo and was abandoned whilst 6 months pregnant. I survived, you can too.

I would inform him on what is going on in the pregnancy but beyond that I’d have no further contact. If he continues to make horrible remarks about the pregnancy then I wouldn’t even give him the courtesy of updates and I would leave it to him to contact me in an appropriate manner.

Be prepared to go this alone. If I’m honest, judging by his reaction then it could be a blessing in disguise if he cuts contact.

Thanks very much for your messages. I appreciate you coming back to me with your thoughts.

He does have contact with his daughter, but always had excuses for me not to meet her. I do want this baby and so I am going to go on with the pregnancy and need to distance myself from him as he is making what should be a happy and exciting time awful. Cannot wait for my scan so I can tell my family the news. It's hard to keep this from them as they have seen a change in me due to him.

I obviously wanted us to be a family, don't most people when they have children. We have discussed children and he always said he wanted a boy and I said I could not guarantee that, but was always showing concern for my age and time. He always seems to be able to turn things around and make me feel bad and guilty. I need to stop making excuses for him and move on by myself. This is happening and I have someone else to worry about now other than just me. I have good friends and hopefully my family will be happy for me.

Do you know if you can claim benefits whilst on maternity leave? I work full time, but feel I will struggle once I leave work to have the baby and my money decreases.

What Hellsbellsmelons said. If you want to have a child this is very likely your last chance. He might leave if you continue with your pregnancy, you will never forgive him if you have an abortion to please him.

I think prioritising your baby & yourself is the right thing to do. Hopefully your family will support you & you definitely will be able to build a great life for yourself & your child without him.

Glad you've come to a decision OP, Congratulations and best of luck with the baby

This baby is your future, he probably isn't. Congratulations.

Best wishes OP, enjoy your baby

Have the baby... I was in a similar position. Be honest, it sounds like you want it and it really is probably your last chance.
I’m desperate for another baby. I don’t think I’m ever going to get my happily ever after, but I’d trade it over and over for another baby.

Have you ever thought he could have more children by this woman born within the time you have been together. That could be the reason he sees her without you.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I think you’ve made up your mind anyway but I was going to add, don’t ever get bullied into a termination. I’m 43 and have no DC. I desperately wanted a family. I did have a termination when I was younger. I don’t regret it as the circumstances I was in at the time were awful. If I’d found myself pregnant at 39 I’d have been over the moon. Good luck to you

Dump the prick and have the baby. He sounds awful and cruel. You may not have another change at being a mum. And it certainly doesn't sound like he wants a baby with you. If you do go it alone, you will always have him in your life. Unless he's the type that will disappear into the night and never see his child again. Sometimes that's a blessing.

Keep the baby. Bin the horrible man. Life as a single mum is OK and infinitely preferable to one with an abusive arse hole like him.