My younger sister is a confident and self-assured woman in all aspects of her life, other than in her love life, which is currently making her miserable. I can't find the right words to help her, so thought I would try and get some different perspectives.
My sister is in her early 30s, has a good job and lovely circle of friends. She will be the first to admit she doesn't suffer fools gladly, which can sometimes translate into her being quite impatient and harsh towards people, although she doesn't see it that way. She is confident, assertive and will always tell you how she thinks she would handle any situation, regardless of how much she knows about it. She is kind and generous to the people she cares about - she is a brilliant aunt to my DCs and although we fought as kids, we are much closer now.
However, when it comes to her relationships with men, she is a complete doormat and ends up being treated badly. Her boyfriend of a few years finished with her recently because he said he didn't see his future with her. She had no idea he thought that and was devastated.
They met up recently to swap stuff back and she's told me that he's having second thoughts about the decision and she's giving him some time to think about it whether he wants to change his mind and get back with her. She claims that she won't just take him back but I'm not so sure. Her previous long-term boyfriend finished with her several times, dithered about the decision, changed his mind and then strung her along for almost a year (they'd split up, she moved out of their flat then they saw each other on a "trial basis" for months, then she found out he was dating someone else). She bent over backwards to accommodate him, even when he was horrible to her.
I can see all this happening again and I just want to tell her that she's being a doormat and letting her recent ex walk all over her. If I was blunt with her and just said that, she would snap at me. We've worked hard to develop our relationship as adults and I don't know how to point out to her that she needs to have some self-respect and not just wait around for him. She won't admit it often, but she is conscious about being single as she gets older (most of her friends are in relationships) and she had clearly seen recent ex as a long term prospect.
So, what would you say to her in this situation? I appreciate I will probably upset her whatever I say, but would appreciate some advice as to how to minimize the upset whilst trying to help prevent her from making the same mistakes again?