Romance with a newborn...does it ever return??

[bella1426]

Just that really. We're only 2 weeks in and besotted by our new son but our interactions have gone so...transactional. it's all 'pass me the nappy' this or 'what time was his last feed' that. Sex is obviously a non event as recovering from a c section and has been throughout a difficult last trimester... even the affection has dried up... Just so tired and busy all the time...i miss our old relationship a bkt and it feels a little lonely 😪 I guess survival mode with a newborn is just what were in but would love to hear from people who have felt this and come out the other side.

I agree I've expressed myself poorly, but it was 5am! (and such opinion is often divisive, regardless of the hour, anyway).

There are plenty of less than ideal fathers, who automatically assume that childcare is woman's work. But there are also decent ones who are pushed out. This was the case for one of my oldest friends. He was never allowed to hold his child, even when they were not feeding and it caused a lot of resentment in the relationship.

Well at least you've admitted it DeltaG. Sentences like "one of these woman" speaks volumes that you seem to view some women that don't stack up to what you think a woman should be like is looked down upon. Whether we agree with another woman or not, I don't feel it's ever helpful to run them down.

5 years down the line and we're still like that. Not sure whether we still love each other anymore or if it's just a relationship of mutual support now. Sorry. Probably in the minority!

Oooh I was wondering what my 27 responses overnight were, it went off on a bit of a tangent there! Thanks all for replying, I'm not actually BFing so that's not the issue, he's bonding well with DS and was sharing the workload before going back to work. I'm probably now doing 80% of it. (Delta I've seen exactly what you're talking about with some couples in my friend group so know exactly what you mean though!) I haven't spoken to him about it, I have a 7 yr old DS 1 too so between the two kids we have zero time alone at the moment to do so! Sleeping in separate rooms to try to manage the night shifts...also feeling gross as I put on way too much weight in pregnancy and hate how I look which is really knocking my confidence. ☹ I don't want to sound like these are taking over at the moment, I'm mostly loving life with my newborn and focused on him and loving this cuddly stage. Just every now and then I get hit with a savage dose of the sads about our relationship and my mangled body and think "wtf have we done?!!!!" Probably hormonal mood swings going on....

To try and be a bit more helpful I would say just go with it for the next 6 months or so - your first baby is a complete mindfuck!!! How your relationship fares depend on a number of things - how you both adjust to having a child, how much parenting DH does both now and in the future, what your future plans are in terms of working. I don't feel 'equal' to my DH anymore in terms of career and definitely not in terms of housework and the mental load. What help you have will also make a difference - if you have family or trusted friends/babysitter around so you and dh can get out and just be a couple regularly that would be a great thing to help. But anyway, for now is just try and enjoy the crazy sleepless world of your newborn. Good luck and hope you both stay happy. And congrats!! X

I bet that was all helpful Op

Congrats on your baby!

Please don't worry about it too much, hormones and emotions will be running high and you'll both be knackered from lack of sleep! Give it time, your relationship naturally changes as you've got a new addition to the family but you'll find your new equilibrium.

I know and understand the time factor OP. But making time to communicate is so important. He's probably got all sorts going on in his mind too. A hug and a kiss can work wonders.

OP, I know it's easier said than done, but try not to worry about your body too much at this stage; it's been 2 weeks, not 2 years!

I think the celebrity baby culture doesn't help and gives totally unrealistic expectations of how fast women re-gain their pre-pregnancy weight. I don't trust most of the photos anyway, they've been posed & airbrushed to the nth degree.

It appears like poor OPs thread has been hijacked to a certain extent.

OP yes normal life (and romance) does return.

You're doing nothing wrong OP.
Newborns need attention and you're recovering. Take it easy, rest as much as you can and be patient.
Take one day at a time and soon you'll be on the other side of this and you won't believe how quickly time has gone.
Tiring as it is these are precious memories with your new baby and your husband.
As long as you both see that this is the priority now you'll still be a (tired) team and you'll be ok.

2 years later, the romance has not returned. And I'm in the same sex relationship so really, this should be easier for us.

Sorry !

At that’s stage two weeks feel likes two lifetimes so it feels like way longer than it actually is. Of course the romance will come back it’ll just be different. Letting me eat my dinner whilst he goes sorts out the

Ahhh posted too soon

Baby when he wakes us our new romance! But we still get dates and have chats, it all settles.