I grew up seeing my parents arguing over house chores. Well mum was a SAHM and although Dad helped oud around the house but he had a very demanding job and they agreed to let mum deal with it while he dealt with finances.
Problem is he had OCD, and so nothing mum did was up to his standard. Mum recognised his ocd but to me as a child him throwing tantrums over small silly things like who moved his pencil or why there was a tissue on the floor.. really was overwhelming. It caused strain in their marriage and mum was hard working. Almost all her day in housework. Never appreciated.
As the only daughter I used to feel like I should help out mum. We were 4 kids and me and my siblings were spending our childhood washing up plates and clearing our mess. And waiting to be told off when Dad was back home. But as the only daughter I used to feel a lot more responsible than my brothers perhaps because mum was a female like me and perhaps because my brothers were too rough to play with so most of my time was with mum.
Anyway... parents got divorced in my late teens. It was something my father is to blame over (she filed for divorce).
Father starts spreading rumours that my mum is lazy, unclean and pretended this is the cause of divorce. And dumb people believe it. ESP his family and his colleagues ( he works in a small business where all his colleagues were family friends).
Anyway.. as a result I resent housework. I do it, but something inside me feels tortured. I married and live in my own house now.
I’m ashamed to say, but sometimes it feels like much needed mini rebellion to create mess.
But it’s stupid because I end up spending long time clearing it up because I also don’t feel happy to live in my rebellious mess.
So I’m living in a cycle of creating mess, resenting it, clearing it up while resenting having to do it.
I guess I’m hoping someone can say something insightful that will take me out of that cycle.