Stupid to think I'll just put on a brave face until after Xmas?

[mogwaigremlin]

The last couple of weeks have made me realise there really is no hope for my marriage, and I think DH is starting to realise too!

It's a long story but stems from him giving me the silent treatment when we have disagreements, the worst being when I had horrendous PND after having DS, I can't get over it and every time he sinks back into a sulk it all comes back to remind me. He is a sulky, secretive and immature man who lets me down when I really need him.

But... Christmas is such a busy time for us both at work, plus all the other stresses that go with it, I suffer from anxiety and Christmas is always a very difficult time for me. That's why I think it is best if I can just get through the next 2 months trying to maintain the status quo and keep at least one part of my life stable, whilst trying to put a plan in place for January.

We pretty much live separate lives anyway, especially over the last couple of weeks while he has been in a sulk and refusing to spend time as a family (and all the other times it happens) so I think I can get through it. Am I being really stupid to consider this? Has anyone else done it before and have any advice?

Sorry for rambling on and thank you if you've got this far!

Well you could put up with it, much as the same as you've done so far but imagine if you actually got it all sorted out before Christmas? It would be such a relief that you might even enjoy the Christmas season. What's holding you back at moment exactly? Presumably you have work all year round? Go, be free and enjoy 😁❤️

I did what you're describing thinking about doing and I really wish I'd just done it sooner. Going through the run up to Christmas, having to choose a gift for him and sit through the most awkward Christmas dinner ever was horrible. I felt constantly sick. If you try and leave these things until "the right time," you're in danger of it dragging on and on because that right time never quite seems to happen

If you don’t want to go through with it now, suggest you contact a solicitor and get all the paperwork sorted, so you can press the button in the new year?

I tried this last year. Pretty much to the day. In the end we split at the beginning of December.

You might be able to do this. I couldn't. I had to move.

I was going to wait until after Christmas, mostly for the sake of the DC, but in the end I asked him to leave on Monday after finding some things that I can’t put up with (see my other post if you want to know).
I feel a lot of emotions obviously but I am quite relieved too. I was dreading Christmas - it would have been so awkward and so hard to pretend. I’m obviously not sure what effect it’ll have on the DC but hopefully they’ll love it just as much (and get to have two celebrations!).
Obviously it’s up to you but, as hard as it’s been the last couple of days, I am glad it’s not being strung out any longer.

Thanks everyone for the advice, I keep veering between it's fine and I can keep going as we are and listening to your advice about how much happier I'd be if I just got on and split from him.

Imagine being able to start 2019 with the worst out of the way

Imagine how low you will feel on NYE knowing you still have to make a start...

By the way...whatever you decide you are not stupid

@AnyFucker thanks. He's being unbearable today and he's taken a week off next week so I think something will come to a head one way or another.

Oh @Hattie I've just read your threads,  you're being so brave, well done for making that change.

It's an awful thing to say but I almost wish I could find something incriminating about him as an excuse to break up! I am always suspicious because he is very sly but he's clever with it!

You don’t need an excuse. He’s treated you like shit and you’re unhappy. What more do you need?

Ah here, just offload this loser before Xmas really kicks in. This all sounds miserable.

Will you only end it if he had an affair?

Refusing to talk to you is a form of abuse. Is being in an abusive relationship a Good enough reason to end it?

It is miserable and to top it off Ds has hand, foot and mouth so I've got that to contend with as well. H has taken himself up stairs to read while I try and sort everything else out, at least he'll be going to work soon!

Might as well do it now so you don't have to buy the fecker a Christmas present.

I know that's flippant, but in the grand scheme of things, I'm not sure it matters whether you do it before or after Christmas, once you do it. Think about the steps you need to take and start taking the first few now. Book a solicitor's appointment now - they get booked up very quickly in January!

Well thinking about it next week with him being off work might just be a good time, I can go and stay with my parents while he gets sorted. Just got to get through a weekend of the ILs visiting though!

Would I need to see a solicitor initially? We don't have any assets, live in a rented house, the only thing we have is our car which I bought with some inheritance before we were married but I'd happily sell that and split the money so we could each buy a car, in fact I've been wanting to do that for months anyway!

You don't have to have your inlaws over at weekend either. The best thing about ending this will be that you get to choose how you want to live.