Partner has a young son, mine are adults YIKES!

[Lindie67]

I’ve been with my partner /Bf (what ever you call them now?) for 9 months and I love him to bits. After 12 years of being alone with my girls, it’s nice to have a companion/ etc. I just wish he wasn’t so passive aggressive about my girls . Any time We have a minor disagreement he has to wade in about my daughters and the way they still rely on me etc. They’re 20 and 22 and the eldest is like a best buddy to me. He has an 8 year old son who he has 50% of the time and to be honest , I feel nothing towards him. I hate the way my bf thinks it’s ok to criticise my girls , because then all these feelings flood out of me about him having a young son and the burden I feel whenever i think of a future with him and having a son that has to go though teenage years in tow. It freaks me out . I’m so gutted as I really feel like I’ve found my soulmate . Has anyone else been in this situation ?

You are not compatible.

Is the novelty of having male companionship after a long while without it making you minimize his shitty behavior?

Oh god if you feel that way about his son there’s no future there.

I don’t see how this can work out. You feel his son is a burden, and he is always criticising your daughters. It’s not going to improve and you’ll end up resentful at how it impacts on your relationship with your daughters.

he isnt your soulmate

Sorry OP. He isn't your soul mate. You don't like his DS and he doesn't like your DD's. You don't sound compatible to me.

Why does he think it is ok to criticise your girls? That's weird isn't it?

I know completely what you're saying . It's really weird, I think it's cos my girls haven't been overly welcoming to him so he's funny with them . I'd be happy just having him as a companion with benefits if I'm being truthful but he talks about the future etc and I can't see how it'll work and we've had a lot of discussions about it and he knows how I feel . It's just a shame cos we get on really well, do nice things etc. I'm 51 and so is he . Hard to bring it to an end because of kids isn't it ? I didn't think I'd find it so hard to be around a young lad. I suppose I've done all that plus when I do see him , which isn't a lot , he yabbers and screeches to his dad the whole time I'm there.

Get rid of your boyfriend for your boyfriends sons sake.

You have to be involved with a whole family when you meet someone later in life, OP - you don't like his family and he doesn't like yours. Maybe in another life you two would've been okay together, but not in this life.

You need to break up for all the children's sakes.

Please don't give a minute of your time to a man who has no respect for your dd's or your parenting.

Firstly I couldn’t/wouldn’t have a relationship with a man with young dc if mine were adults. I want to travel and enjoy an adult lifestyle once my dc are adults.

Secondly I also couldn’t be with someone who makes me feel awkward about my dd’s. I’d struggle with someone who constantly criticised them. They are nit children, but adults and should be treated as such by him. He needs to make the effort with them and not slate them.

I’d be off I’m afraid

The OP has no respect for his son or parenting either though so its on both sides

You don’t have a future. You’re past that phase of your life now and if you’re not interested in a full life with this man, which has to include his child, it’s got no legs.

Step parenting isn’t for everyone. That’s okay. You’d be very wrong to stick around feeling this way.

The fact he criticises your daughters for being close to you would end it for me. He sees your daughters and your relationship with them as a threat! Why would they accept him with open arms, they don't know him? He sounds like an arse.

He doesnt have to like your DD’s any more than you have to like his son. But it cant work if you dont.

It needs to end - his son is at a far more vulnerable age than your DD’s.