I'm a mess!

[EmotionallyDestroyed]

Ok I'll try keep this brief.

Been seeing someone for 4 months. First relationship since DC dad left 3 years ago.

I've fallen for him. Indeed, in 4 months. Certainly not limerence as I was unsure about him for a while at first.

Anyway, very long story short, after a few tiffs (resulting from the fact that he lives an hour away and doesn't drive, meaning we only see each other on weekends), things have suddenly come to a very abrupt end.... I haven't reacted to this particularly well. In fact it has resulted in a full blown depressive 'episode' as I call it. Feeling tired, tearful and short tempered. Shaky with my anxiety in full swing. In other words, not ideal for any mother, let alone a single parent of a 3yr old with SEN.

So I guess I just need some crisis management! Involving a handhold, some ears (or rather, eyes?!) and some good old fashioned support if there's any going please?

Yours,

Heartbroken2018

Anyone?

This was in Mental Health but nobody replied so I had it moved to Relationships. Anyone?

Actually feeling really shitty is completely normal. You grieve for what might have been and after 3 years single it’s hard for your first toe in the water to land flat on your face.

Pick yourself back up, reprioritise, no one has been irreparably hurt, life will be ok. Get some ice cream, chocolate, whatever floats your boat! Indulge in some Netflix time and think about the good things in your life. You’ll be ok

Thank you. I've been trying to do that but I just can't....... I don't have any friends which makes it worse. He was my only friend. Lonely makes it ten times worse

Sorry to hear OP Have you tried writing a long list of all his bad/annoying points? That used to help me when I was reeling from a break-up.

I think you should focus on new friends rather than a partner. It's so sad you don't have a friend. What do you enjoy doing? Perhaps someone could recommend something to you so that you could meet someone with similar interests.

A long time ago (6 years) I ended a ten year relationship and had an 18 month old. I didn’t have friends.

I had MN, books, TV and rang family in the evenings. I survived.

Wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all go away. Heart break and the fallout associated with it is truly horrific. Couple that with not having anyone to turn to and a mother means a very stacked deck.

If you feel it’s really impacting your ability to function then I would consider an appointment with your local GP and perhaps some support groups or counselling.

The adage about time, tired and worn as it is, will make things get a little easier. Perhaps on the long term you can set about making some good friends. Take up a hobby locally or some such. Best of luck.

Indulge your feelings a bit and be gentle with yourself, and then , as per pp, I think you should work on building a social circle for yourself. If he was your main or only social outlet then it's going to hit so much harder.

Do you have friends that you've drifted apart from, who you could get back in touch with? (Only if they were good for you, not toxic types you dumped for a reason ).

Can you try something like MeetUp to find people with similar interests? Workmates who might become mates?

None I could get back in touch with, sadly.

I've missed out the reason why we ended....

His Stepdad (who hates him) has Stage 2 Throat Cancer and his Mum changed her shifts to just weekends. Leaving DP to 'babysit' the man who both ignored him and gave him abuse his entire life. As I said before, we can only see each other on weekends as it is, so he had to end it!

His way of dealing with it, is to not speak to me at all. This is KILLING me

Whilst I have sympathy for his SD's Cancer, I am furious with his mum for just doing this without consulting DP at all! She hates me. Just because I'm a female and in a relationship with her precious son and I am 100% certain this is partly, if not solely done purposely to destroy our relationship!

I know some people reading this will think I'm being paranoid and heartless, but honestly! If you knew some of the selfish and nasty things this woman has done, you'd think the same as me! She is unbelievably selfish & controlling. DP is a wimp.

Well you're best off out of it then - it's no good being in a power struggle with a partner's parent. He's made his choice.

Sorry to hear it's all gone tits up, he's not your dp though, a few tiffs already? Thinking he's a wimp? Doesn't sound like it had legs anyway.

@Havalina What a nasty thing to say! How is that helpful?! "He's not your DP"

FFS it's a MN term!

Get lost and troll someone else less fragile

Calling him a wimp is a post-relationship-ending judgement! Which I am sodding well entitled to btw!!!

OP you honestly need to call down. It was 16 weeks. Some of which you weren't sure of him and you only saw him at weekends. 16 weeks in which you were falling out, felt you didn't see eachother enough and he clearly will give into his mum all the time, even if it hurts you.

Having a go at posters for having a different view to you, isn't helping with you.

When did you split?

@Notacluewhatthisis How was what they said helpful? I came on here for support.

Who cares how many weeks? Since when was there a set guide as to how long you have to be together before you're allowed to be heartbroken it's over?

I didn't come on here to be put in front of a Jury and have my feelings 'justified' I came for support and a handhold.

Why does it matter if my feelings aren't 'justifiable' for the amount of time we were together?

But he didn’t ‘have’ to end the relationship because his mother changed her shifts and appears to have expected him to look after his ill stepfather — he chose to, which suggests you were not a priority, OP. I appreciate it hurts, but go easy on yourself, and don’t retrospectively idealise things. You had problems and tiffs, and for some of your relationship you weren’t sure about him. Try to work on your friendships, too. No one should only have a newish boyfriend as their only friend.

Sorry but if you were important to him there is no way he would let you go. Don't go blaming the mother. That's your prospective. Whether he hates his dad or not a life-changing thing is going on in his life. He's decided he doesn't want the relationship. Blocking and not answering is his way as he knows your response. Sorry it hurts. Heartbreak does. Keeping busy and meeting people, friends etc helps no end.

It matters because you need to put it in perspective. It's a few weeks relationship, you haven't lost the love of your life. You lived before the 16 weeks. You will live after.

He wasn't right for you. You hadn't built a life around eachother, you weren't totally entwined you were sharing day to day life. You will live past this, when you see it for what it was. A short lived, unsuccessful relationship.

You will be ok. You just need perspective. No one is saying you shouldn't be hurt. But you do need some perspective.

At least you've escaped a hellish MIL. You are mourning the end of a relationship, the end of a dream of a relationship as it was early days. Give it time. Allow yourself to grieve and you will get over it eventually. You'll maybe see in time that it wasn't right for you.

Don't be too harsh with other posters. It's still too raw for you to see but from the outside from what you say, it wasn't going to work.

Make a list of good things about him and bad things and see which one is longest

Might make you feel better

Also tell him he's a wimp. He is he should stand up for you if he was a real man and not a mummies boy, he would

This may be bringing back up all the rejection you may have felt when your ex left. Its like a double whammy ..getting kicked in a place already sore. Just be gentle with yourself and take each day one at a time. You will get through this but it will take time. Mind yourself.