Ok, going to try to keep it short. Had a bf when I was 19-21. Thought he was the “one” which was stupid because he turned out to be a controller and emotionally abusive. Following him met the father of my kids. Split with Dad after 3 years we are on good terms.
Over this time period I had been chatting with a very close friend of the abusive bf. We would talk for a while, not speak and catch up. I had met him in person a few times and we got on well. Then, in 2015 we started to talk more often- we lived far away from each other. We would text daily, sometimes all day and night. One day he confessed he fancied me when I was with abuser. This made me think .. oh! Ok.. and I started to see him in a different way. Then finally he confessed on NYE he wanted to come and see me. It was all a bit weird for me because it was over text, I tried to convince myself I was being stupid. Then, all of a sudden he pulls back. He says it’s “taboo” to date a friends ex. We should be “just friends”. I was hurt but understood where he was coming from. Then we didn’t talk for a while, got on with life. A few weeks go by and he pops up in my inbox, calling me his “friend”. Talks to me about dates with other women etc. I still have my weird feelings but push it down. Then I move closer to him (we are from the same area) to go to uni. Me and the kids move down, and me and the guy arrange to meet. He cancels on me. I tell him “There is no point being friends with someone you don’t see -fuck off.” He says sorry, I ignore him and then he asks to meet up and promises not to cancel. So we meet. We get on just as well in person as we do over text and I 100% fancy him. I felt so happy going home after meeting him, like literally skipping. I then go on holiday for my birthday at the same time he goes away with a mate. He texts me saying he likes me and wants to date me but “doesn’t know what to do about it.” I say we should go out, he agrees and we are going to meet when we both get back. Day of the date I don’t hear from him- I get an uneasy feeling he’s going to cancel or not message I don’t know why. I then send “are we still on for today?” And he doesn’t say anything. I snap. Enough bullshit. I write out a message like “sick of your crap and tired of excuses, get a grip”(a longer version) and block his number. I then just move on and date others. I get with a guy I really like but screw it up one night by getting drunk and acting like a mess. Guess who’s number I unblock? The guy. He then says to “stop dating the guy and start dating him” and I say no. The next day I get a message, “I’ve decided I want to be only your friend nothing more.” We talk a lot, start phoning each other more etc I still have that feeling in the back of my mind but forget it. He then phoned me on Xmas saying he has feelings but the very next day takes it back. I’m like wtf at this point and date other people. Then I start thinking - maybe I’m holding on to this guy because of unresolved issues with my ex ? So I stupidly message the ex. My mate/ crush says not to get involved, I don’t listen. We continue as mates talking about our dating lives etc. One day I meet the abusive ex, we end up in bed together, feelings resurface and he says he changed. Like a mug I believe him. Me and crush/mate meet up and we still get on well, I have a flicker of “This is the one you like” but think no, he doesn’t like me back. Then my being with the abusive ex once more causes us all to fall out. Me and the guy stop talking altogether and he blocks me on everything. The abuser guy has a go at him for not telling him about my boyfriends etc which was weird. Then the mate/crush thinks I’m causing drama. So we don’t talk. Abuser is still the same (shock) and we end it. I move on, continue uni, work, kids etc and then a month or so out of the blue mate/crush texts me. We go to our old ways of fairly frequent communication and my feelings are very much still there. I have an inkling he might feel the same but I’m not sure. He speaks about other women, tinder etc so I mostly think he wants to be a mate. But he spends a lot of time talking to me and I just have a feeling .... I just don’t know. SO what do I do? Keep going as “mates” /confess and get burned?/he confesses and we are happy/ there’s too much water under the bridge?
We get on really well and I’m attracted to him and honestly? We just have a laugh. So I don’t know where to take it or what to feel. I know I messed up by going back to an ex but he’s been up and down too :/ my family say if he wanted me he would have made a move. What do you think?