I have been on a long but good journey with myself over the past 10 years and my self esteem is higher than its ever been. But I wonder if I have swung too far into the territory opposite my previous low self esteem with too high expectations and low tolerance levels?
I also wonder if I have become one of those women who has been so long without a real partner that I find having one just adds to my mental load. Happy to get flamed as a judgmental bitch if that’s what you think!
I am dating a guy who is sweet, kind, funny and attractive. He ticked quite a lot of my boxes. I never thought I was shallow. Until now.
initially the sex was not off to a good start but has improved a lot - but I feel that I had to do a lot of this work to achieve this.
I am a proactive person who just gets stuff done. Need to cook food for 7 people? Plan ahead and get it done. Him - dither and faff about. He doesn’t have enough plates or cutlery for everyone but still invited 7 people for dinner. The dinner was also extremely basic and not particularly nice (think the cheapest things you can buy in Aldi if you had your last £5).
Onto the next point: I earn more than him simply by working more hours. He is self employed and seems to get by on a low income but has no evident passion to work harder, earn more. He has young children and does Half of the childcare (holidays, school runs) which I can understand... but so did I, more than he has his children, and I still worked more hours. He often does jobs for other people for free.
His house is very neat but covered in dust and not that clean. Mine is less tidy but in addition to working more hours having my kids more my house is significantly cleaner than his.
I have actually found myself saying the words ‘so what did you do all day..?’ when he has no kids or kids in bed and guess what - while I am working from home in the evenings he is playing PlayStation 4 or hours in the pub.
We arranged a date recently which I paid for and he turned up to with no money, chose expensive items to eat and drink that then I had to pay for at the till when he said he had no money on his bank card, but then produced £40 in the car and wanted to go to the pub after.
He’s also hinted that he thinks we would make a great match because I am a hard worker. I take this to be him thinking I will earn all the money and clean the house?