DH family hate me

[Losingthewill12]

Hi, has anyone had a successful relationship where your partners family don’t like you?

So basically my DH’s family don’t like me because he has slated me when we have had arguements so now whenever DH sees any of his family they try to drum it into him to leave me and call him stupid for staying with me. Also when ever we argue DH brings his family up saying how they were right about me. We have been married just over a year and none of DHs family have made the effort to get to know me and only know what my DH tells them.

We have a DS together and another baby on the way and I just can’t see our marriage lasting. Would like to know if anyone has been in a similar situation and has a happy marriage

Your PIL aren’t the issue, they’re just listening to your husband slagging you off and think he’s unhappy.

He sounds awful. Was this dynamic in place before you got married a year ago?

They have no reason to doubt him when he bitches about you after an argument, as you say, they don’t know you. Him saying they’re right, to hurt you, when they’re only going on what he’s told them is really bad.

What are your arguments about and what’s he telling them?

If your marriage is unhappy (sounds it to me tbh) you can end it. I’m wondering why you got married. It’s done now but you don’t have to be a certain amount unhappy to justify ending it.

Your husband is an abusive bastard who has enlisted his family to support his abuse. If I were you I would run like hell. You might as well leave now because this marriage will never work.

My in-laws certainly didn't like me at first, but are good-to-OK with me now (MIL is never always OK with anyone, I have learned). BUT, DH has never, not once, not even when angry, used his parents opinion against me - that is really a red flag for a relationship, I'm afraid.

It sounds like your husband is wanting to control you,so is enlisting his family to break you down and ruin any self worth that you have left in you.. I know there are children involved but this is really flagging up as an unhealthy relationship which does not benefit anyone.. Maybe put it on the table as to how you are being made to feel and then make a decision based on his reaction to your concerns.. Good luck!!

Thank you all for your replies. I was very independent before DH I was a lone parent for 8 years and never felt like I needed anyone but now I’m afraid to be alone again especially now with 2 children (soon to be 3).
This only started after we were married, tbh I don’t think DH wants to be with me anymore, he sleeps on the couch most nights and we’re not speaking more than we are. DH says he’s depressed because of me and he now says he’s having suicidal thoughts. His family have always put him down and told him he’s not worth anything and I’ve only ever tried to encourage him to do what he wants but as everyone sees it I’m controlling him. We’ve talked so many times but nothing changes the damage is done. Only last week I told him we need some time apart to which he replied if he left he wouldn’t want to come back. Says it all really.

This kind of happened in my family but it was a relative confiding in us. I only heard all the bad stuff and it really affected my relationship with her and her DP, to the point where we stopped talking for a while. The only way we repaired it was basically I had to back down and now she never ever complains to me about him. But their relationship is now much better and yours sounds really miserable. Please leave him and have a happy life. No one sounds very happy at all OP

Let him go.
Back to the arms of his awful family.
You’ll never win this one.

I tell him to leave but he just won’t go. DH says he won’t say anything to his family either to get them to stop slagging me off as he doesn’t want to fall out with them and he also won’t allow me to say anything to them. So basically he can slag me off to who ever he wishes and when we’re “OK” they can slag me off but I’ve just got to sit back, shut my mouth and let it happen.

I think it would be best for everyone if he did leave but I’m just scared of being alone again but I also don’t force him to stay either.

Being alone would be better than staying imho. He is manipulative and controlling, threatening to leave, then saying if he goes he won't be back. Next time pack his bag and tell him to fuck off back to his family and tell them what he wants because you don't care anymore. You've been a sole parent once you can do it again and it would be better for your DC's not to see such an unhealthy relationship long term.

This is awful. You can’t live like this! Walking on constant eggshells. Time to tell him to leave!

To OP

Sounds like your husband is a Mummy's Boy. Either he grows a pair, makes his own decisions and listens to his wife more than his family or you get rid of him.

If you are prepared to be a doormat you will be walked on for the rest of your life.

Good luck.

It's interesting that your title is about his family, when you got much bigger than your inlaws. I think you are choosing to focus on them, rather the real problem, which is the breakdown of your relationship and the attitude of your husband.
What scares you about being single? Finances, childcare, having to work/be on benefits, not dating again, being lonely? Maybe you can break it down to face each problem that scares you.
I'd stop thinking about his family and start planning your own future.

He doesn't want to hurt or fall out with his family but has no problem hurting you. This speaks volumes to me. He isn't there for you and, from what you describe, he never will be. He sounds absolutely gutless.

I imagine being a lone parent of 3 will be hard, but how does it compare to being a parent of 3 with an emotionally absent OH, and who is utterly miserable. I'm sure you don't want to bring your kids up in an unhealthy setting like this. It's not good for them or for you.

I'd be inclined to pack his stuff and send it round to his precious mother's house, take his key and tell him not to come back.