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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Wwyd?

10 replies

whyohwhypart2 · 06/11/2018 21:10

Exp is deliberately bringing DC back late when we have a court order

It's happening regularly and usually means that DC misses his swim lesson, which exp is well aware of. He never gets in touch to say he'll be late, or why he'll be late, or to apologise afterwards. He's doing it to get to me

Last weekend was the icing on the cake when he picked up DC from school when it was not his weekend!!! Meaning that because I had sealed a weekend with him, eco had 3 CONSECUTIVE weekends! I work mon-fri 9-5. Exp quit his job as an accountant when CMS got in touch with him (after threatening me he would seek residency in order to avoid paying any child support).

After getting the fright of my life when dc wasn't at school when I got there to collect, I called Exp explaining that this is clearly not his weekend and to bring dc to me now, exp told me I'm stupid, that I can't understand an interlocutor and that I need to go see a lawyer who can explain it to me (he is gaslighting)

He won't admit he's playing games, he won't admit he's in the wrong, he bullies me at any opportunity and I've had enough. Only a sheriff can sort him out but in the meantime I would like to cut contact until he agrees he won't take DC or if school without my prior knowledge or consent

We were at court a few years ago when he would persistently refused to bring DC back to me (he lives a 45 min drive away). But he was cheeky to the sheriff, sacked about 7 lawyers as they weren't telling him what he wanted to hear then eventually decided to represent himself

It would only be for approximately 2 weeks he wouldn't see him (and goes on extravagant holidays without DC for longer than that anyway!)

OP posts:
whyohwhypart2 · 06/11/2018 21:11

Sealed = swapped

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Charmatt · 06/11/2018 21:13

Take him back to court

Sally2791 · 06/11/2018 21:14

He sounds like an absolute arse. Never fails to amaze me the things they will do to punish an ex partner. Get the best legal advice that you can afford.

SandyY2K · 07/11/2018 06:38

Does he normally pick up from school on his weekend? Is he letting the school know what's going on so thet don't release your DC to him.

In addition, until he sticks to the order... I'd stop access. Get your lawyer on the case.

whyohwhypart2 · 07/11/2018 09:51

@SandyY2K thanks! I really do hate the thought of suspending contact by I can't see any other way around it

My fiance now has an interlocutor for contact with his DC which will need to work in with our interlocutor (talk about modern families eh!) but there is no reasoning whatsoever with this 'man'

He continually reminds my DC that my finances DC is 'only' a half sibling and teases DC about this  he is constantly telling dc that he can't tell me things so DC comes home upset because he doesn't like keeping secrets 

He is HORRIBLE!!

Yes he collects from school but I have a meeting with the head teacher about this today. They can't stop him taking dc but they can facilitate me getting him first iyswim

This is a nightmare, I wish he didn't cause me so much distress all the time. I want to look forward to Christmas with my beautiful DSC fiance and DC, now I'll have a tonne of legal fees to pay 

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SandyY2K · 07/11/2018 10:02

I realised there was a typo in my previous post... but I think you got it anyway.

I meant to say I'd let the school know

He does sound awful.... I'm sorry you have to deal with him.

Could you change the swimming lesson? He does it to get at you, yet it affects his child. What a spiteful man.

Keeping a written record of everything is a good idea. Put in writing the time he has to bring DC back. If he brings him back late...text to ask where he is. Keep your evidence. That may be enough for him to fall in line.

whyohwhypart2 · 07/11/2018 11:01

@Sally2791 thanks, I have an appointment with the lawyer who represented in the last court case with exp. However I've never known how to judge which is the best lawyer/firm for these kind of things. I did consider changing lawyers, but is it really a case of the more expensive the better the lawyer? I have no clue 

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Sally2791 · 07/11/2018 14:25

It really is impossible to know because everyone's case is slightly different, and you're in up to your neck financially before you find out if they're any good. Mine pussyfoots around my controlling lying ex which annoys me. His solicitor is petrified of him and appears to believe the bollocks he tells her. I have also been told by a barrister that a huge amount is down to luck and how the judge feels that day! I know I am losing financially but will be so glad to be shot of him

Holdingonbarely · 07/11/2018 14:30

Is your lawyer a specialist in this field? Can you find one that deal with abusive ex’s
I would try and find someone who is fully aware of the tricks he will play.

whyohwhypart2 · 07/11/2018 16:01

@Sally2791 I'm sorry you're going through this too, it's a living nightmare

@Holdingonbarely ahhh I hadn't even thought there may be lawyers who specialise in abusive ex's!! I need one of those! My lawyer last time was OK I suppose, but felt the mental bullying wasn't really taken seriously

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