What should I do?

[Tophat79]

Just found out my SO cheated on me while we were engaged. We have been married for a few years. Should I leave?

That's a hard decision to make and more information is probably needed. Did he tell you or did you find out? Have you confronted him and what has he said about it?

How did you find out? Do you have children ?

No one can give a definitive answer.

It would depend on circumstances at the time, how you found out, how long it been, has it been great apart from this, do you think he has cheated since etc.

What's right for one person isn't right for another.

Just came out with it.

4 children. Was a kid at a nightclub with a friend.

I know it’s not sex but I feel totally betrayed and had I known I wouldn’t have got married.

A close friend?

I would be hurt and upset. Not sure I would walk away from a good marriage, with 4 kids for a kiss that happened years ago. Unless I thought it may have carried on or he had cheated more.

But I don't know exactly what I would do, because it's not happening to me. And whatever I would do, might not be the right thing for you

I totally get why you are hurt. It's the lies, the fact that he had this information and didn't share it with you so you c9uld make an informed decision. He took away your choice.

I honestly can't say what you should do.

Yes. Feel like they would have been laughing at me at our wedding. Others knew. Feel like it has cheapened everything.

I’m sorry OP trouble is, every anniversary or special event would be ruined for me. I’vebeen in a similar situation!, I tried to make things work for 3 years but could never get past it. We’re divorced now

A kiss? Probably a few drinks were involved? If the marriage is good, I certainly wouldn't want to lose it all just over a kiss! What about all the women (and men) who forgive full affairs? No, you shouldn't leave, and ruin the DC's lives over a kiss that happened before you got married! And I'm sure no one was laughing!

I just have no trust anymore. Does that mean I can act the same?

If you lose trust in him your marriage is over, whether you formally end it nor or limp on for a while. Sadly it’s that simple. And cheating is certainly reason to lose trust.

I wonder why he decided to tell you now. Perhaps someone forced his hand? There’s a 0% chance he suddenly woke up one day after four years of lies and decided to tell you of his own volition. How on earth did this come up?

Your marriage has been a lie. I’m so so sorry.

He sees it as not really cheating . I know I would not have gotten married if I had know. I’m tempted to get my own back then leave .

Why did he come out with it now I wonder, it must have been because he feels guilty so clearly he knows it's cheating? I mean if he really regrets and understands how hurt you are then I probably wouldn't leave him but If he really doesn't see it as cheating, what would stop him from doing it again? Ask him that maybe

Well I know his best friend likes me so he can see how it feels. I will tell him after I’ve packed my bags. He doesn’t see why I’m upset and I suspect more. I wonder if the kids was more and he was resting the waters.

?

His best friend? You think his best friend will cheat with you?

I mean this kindly but OP, you’re a parent, grow up. End this relationship and move on. Thoughts of revenge are normal but don’t run around trying to kiss people like you’re in sixth form. You’ll have no dignity left.

Destroying your kids lives because of a kiss is pretty pathetic IMHO.

I know that’s what I would normallly think. I always thought loyalty was such a thing for him but I feel like my feelings have changed. He keeps trying it on like that will make it all better.

Perhaps I should do the same thing and see if he cares.

Go for it :)

Ok , I will.

OP kissing his best friend now, is not the same.

You really want to reduce yourself to petty revenge?

Either you are so angry and hurt you aren't thinking straight, or you need to grow up.

What he did was wrong. But doing this now, when kids are involved is not a good idea. If you marriage has got to this point. You need to leave. Don't be that person.

Don't cheat just to hurt your hubby. It will make you feel awful in the long run and he will use it as ammunition against you and you have 4 children to think of. You don't want hubby to turn children against you for cheating. As to whether you leave or not that's up to you but don't do anything rash.

Let us know how it goes!