Advice

[sitdownexttome]

Be gentle please am really sleep deprived

Would the OW/new woman be jealous of the left behind wife? Particularly if lots contact between leaving husband and left behind wife when seeing the kids (who he dotes on particularly the lovely new baby)

I feel he is drawing us both into the pick me dance.
She’s booked something amazing for him, time away, I’ve found out as he had to swap contact days. We couldn’t have got away like that, had small kids.

I am lost hurt and tired
Really none of you can know, we can’t get into her - or his - head I don’t even know why I am posting.

My feeling is she is trying to get time for them, away from his kids and family especially as one is a baby.

Please be gentle an all over the place at mo

Probably jealous of your shared history and the fact he has children with you and is trying to create history with him

Oh honey, I am so sorry.



Are you the OW or the wife?

I’m the wife, she is the new woman (probably OW but kinder to think NW at the moment)

I think Dard is right, she’s marking her territory a bit, it’s for a special occasion.

Has helped to post here

Can get to the point of she is welcome to him

She’s a youngish girl, mid 20s doesn’t have a clue really about life, you don’t understand the pressures of family life till you have had kids. We were under a lot of strain.

(Aware he is the one who made the vows etc etc just writing the above as an explanation to myself really)

Thanks has helped me to post

She's probably very jealous of your shared history - and your shared future. He will never not be a Father.

So she's digging her claws in to try and pull him further away.

(Regardless of whether or not he is worth actually having is not the point here, that's up to you.)

Please don't do the 'pick me' dance though, I know it's hard but so utterly demoralising.

Hope you can get past this.

Thanks
Second paragraph is exactly what I am sensing

Agree with all you have put
Thanks it’s helping

Of course the new / other partner will be jealous. She can say to herself that he has 'picked' her but he has all the history with ex and the children. They are his family and it will take time to build up anything similar.
It doesn't make it better for you btw , actually worse seeing him dithering and realising what a selfish shit he has been!

So jealous of what we have shared in the past
Jealous of what we will always share due to the children

She is young enough to have his kids one day though but I guess they aren’t at that stage yet
So all she can do is impress with surprise (kid free) trip away.

I had a similar situation when I left my H. He was 15 years older than me. He then moved in with a woman who was 10 years my junior, making a 25 yr age gap. She had a young son but no experience of adult relationships or of parenting tweens. TBF she was less than 10 years older than his DS.

Anyway apparently she hated my guts and would go mental after every phone call. I used to call every evening to speak to DS (not my birth son so no official PR) and I always told DS to pick up the phone when it rang at 7pm, but his dad would push him out of the way and pick it up instead and talk at me loudly and try to engage in conversation. (If I said "Can you just put DS on please, I called to speak to him" he would hang up. Controlling fuckwad.)

I think he was basically clumsily trying to use me to make her feel insecure so that she wouldn't come to her senses and bin him off.

So I'd consider how your ex's behaviour may be contributing to the issues here.

Cross posted with yikes
Will read your post now

I hate to say this but they are in a new relationship, it’s not unusual for someone to book something special for their partner. And it’s going to be child free, she can’t take your kids with her.

I mean she could be deeply jealous of your shared history, but lots of people end up with others who have kids and don’t have this problem.

If thinking that she’s doing it because she’s jealous makes you feel better then carry on. But long term it just will screw with your head and you’ll be doing the pick me dance because you’ve made up some narrative in your head about their relationship.

The best thing you can do is give no fucks and carry on living your life. I’m sure there will be times when you need to change contact days, so it’s all give and take. Hold your head up high and be the bigger person for yourself and your kids.

If she was ow she may feel insecure as she knows he is a liar and a cheat