How to reconnect with dh

[thatlldopig12]

Dh and I have drifted apart. We have been together forever and have one dc who is at school. We don't really talk or spend time together and just veg in front of the tv every night. We go out separately with friends now and again but don't really bother gojng out together as the babysitter costs 40 quid for the night. We have no local family to babysit. I still fancy him and I think he fancies me but I feel a bit like we are strangers. He is a good dad but I want more connection, more interest. He relaxes by gaming which I have no interest in. We both like music and have gone to gigs together before dc

I don't want to split up but I look at him sometimes and I want something more out of life. I'm sure he thinks I am too serious and not fun enough whereas I think he needs to grow up. We need a happy medium. What can I do which isn't too contrived. I want to try and have fun together again

Would he consider relationship counselling?

Can I ask, how is your sex life?

If you want yo make it work you might need to find more points of connection.

Ok when we get round to it but he stays up late and I go to bed early so the opportunity doesn't arise v often

It can be difficult (and expensive) to prioritise your relationship when you have kids. But it's important to try I think, as I want my marriage to work. We are in a similar position to you childcare wise. So, in addition to occasionally paying for a sitter, we also do a babysitting swap with a friend of ours, then everyone gets time off. Only about 4 times a year but it's better than nothing. Or we have taken AL days, though those are limited too, so not often. If you can't go out, you could try doing dates at home. TV off, phones off, have a nice meal. Even board games can be a laugh in a retro kind of way. We have totally different musical tastes, but we like the theatre and the same comedians so see an occasional show. And sex is key. It really helps to bring us back together, and always makes me feel connected to my DH. It's easy to let it slide when life gets in the way.

thatlldopig12 I just to go to bed late. This year I chose to prioritise our sex life and at least 2 or 3 nights a week go to bed same time as dh. Out sex life is much better.

Yout dh need a to prioritise you and to be with you. There are fun things you can do together, meals and movies in, adult time. Hobbies or sports or whatever you can do together. Try finding them.

used to go to bed...

We have discussed the going to bed thing and he says we don't have to only have sex in bed and he doesn't feel like going to bed at 10'when I do. But I find it hard to orchestrate it when we are just sitting in front of tv and it feels weird

I think we just need to both put in a bit more effort. Date nights might work and you are right we do need to invest in it even if if cost money as it's important

John Gottman the marriage therapist does emails called The Marriage Minute about small ways to improve your relationship. Might be worth signing up for?