ExDP put my toddler at risk

[CakeWineChocolateGin]

Apologies for the length, but im too wimpy to post in AIBU and need some help!

I separated from ex 2 years ago when DC was a baby, things have been tough as i moved on with someone else and he didnt like it.

He met someone else a few months ago and i was happy for him, she seems lovely and DC likes her.
He moved in with her last week, and after being there for 2 days he had DC overnight. He calls me and tells me she had left some of her strong pain killers loose in a bag, and DC took one. He had no idea how much was swallowed but managed to get some out of his mouth.
Ex has a history of minimising things and i ended up panicking and demanding DC was brought home immediately.

DC is fine thank god, but it really scared me, and it angered me that he minimised the severity, especially considering he is a medical professional. I know if it had been my current DP that had left out meds he would have gone ape shit.

DC is meant to be going back tomorrow to stay overnight and im an anxious mess. I feel ive lost trust in his supervision skills and his ability to keep DC safe.

However i do have severe anxiety so i know i could very well be overreacting, so i need some advice on how to give myself a shake and let DC go without worrying constantly. I am more anxious than usual due to a bad car accident with DC in the back and some other personal crap, so any insight would be much appreciated!

It's his child just as much as yours. He told you what happened quickly and explained how and what actions were taken. If you have anxiety issues perhaps you should deal with them separately Instead of projecting them Into other situations. I really can't see a huge issue here beyond your ability to not be in control of the situation and how you deal with that. Accidents happen sometimes and children frequently get into things they shouldn't, but he took the correct action and informed you promptly, can I suggest you let him parent and not try to micro manage.

Well he's unlikely to allow the same mistake to happen twice and will probably be more vigilant over ensuring other mistakes don't happen in future.

He didn't 'minimise' it. He told you what had haoened and how it had been dealt with.

All parents make mistakes - some of thise mistakes are more serious than others, admittedly, but it sounds like he took it seriously.

As for him being a 'medical professional', and without knowing what that actually means, it's quite possible he understood the level of risk exactly and didnt feel it warranted the level of anxiety you were experiencing.

I would sugest that your 'severe anxiety' is something you need to manage.

Did he bring him the hospital since he didn't know how many he'd taken?

Oh sorry, it was part of one. Yeah i mean what else did you want him to do?

I think you’ve overreacted to this, TBH. He could have chosen to just not tell you - it’s extremely unlikely he’d have known.

And where do you (both) draw the line? Should he stop you ever driving with DC again because of one bad accident you were involved in? For all he would know, your bad driving could have been at least partly at fault for that and therefore his trust in you would be diminished.

*you’d have known

As a medical professional, it's entirely possible he understood the level of risk better than you did - if your child had just put the tablet in their mouth but hadn't chewed or swallowed it at all, he may have used his expertise and knowledge to determine that no action was required. And as PPs have said, he's unlikely to make the same mistake again re: leaving meds lying around. I don't think this is something you have any grounds to stop contact over. If a pattern of incidents develops, then take advice, but as this sounds like a one-off I'd respectfully suggest that you get some support with managing your anxiety, and accept that he acted appropriately and that you need to continue encouraging contact and supporting your child's relationship with their father.

I fully appreciate my anxiety is at play here - hence why i mentioned it. Just to clarify the point of my post was asking for ways to give myself a kick up the arse to let this go and not dwell on it whilst DC is gone. Im not wanting to stop contact or "micro manage" in any way, i just need to get over this! I am having treatment for my anxiety which up until now has been working well.

You can't demand your child is brought home immeaditatly.

Things happen. What difference would it have made if the child was at yours after it happened? Nothing different would have happened, you did that for your own anxiety. Which is understandable but still unreasonable.

Can you imagine if the child has an accident with you, which probably will happen, and your ex reacts like you have?

I hope you find some way of managing this for your own peace of mind.

The fact that you recognise that you have a problem is good. I'm not a MH professional so can't really offer advice beyond perhaps keeping yourself busy when your child is away. An idle mind is more prone to going round in circles than a preoccupied one.

I think you may need to round yourself that we all put ourselves and our kids at risk everyday. Such as getting in a car, crossing a street etc.

Everything is a risk. But you manage it xxx

On the fence tbh.
My exh took ds down the beach, he was up on the pier watching him (apparently not) Ds split his head - open rushed to hospital for stitches. Obviously had to tell me on drop off.
The next week took ds back to the beach, left him on the rocks again with him up top.
Ds was 3/4.
Yanbu to be concerned.

I undestand why your worried im over the top worrier but im sure your child will be fine the next few times u may feel this way but the feelings will go and u wont think of it anymore ,im sure they feel bad for what happend and make sure it wont happen again x