Husband says it’s my fault he drinks

[Arschgeige]

We’ve had a bad year, arguing a heck of a lot. Yesterday afternoon it kicked off again. and really exploded just before bedtime. Texting this morning, he’s blaming me for him drinking wine and then gin last night.
I feel this is completely unfair . Surely we are all responsible for our own actions and nobody can „make“ me do something like that? I feel he’s deflecting from his own shortcomings.

Yeah, tell him to go and clean the bathroom. Let's see how quick he is to jump to your commands. Funny how women can only 'make' men do the things they want to do already, isn't it?

He is. And, on some level, he probably knows that.

Do you always argue about the same things, or can it be anything? And how much of a role does alcohol play? (Not necessarily expecting you to answer - more just food for thought really.)

Yes, ask him what else you can ‘make’ him do. Hopefully it’ll be something useful.

I used to make my exh smash up our home. Drink until he passed out. Miss work due to hangovers.
I moved out and left him to it.
There really is no other way ime.

Yep Lizzy and stoic that’s what I thought I would answer to his text - he’s giving me an awful lot of power if I’m able to make him do that. Pity it doesn’t transfer to other areas.
Pippi - we usually argue about the same thing. But he tends to get himself a beer as soon as he gets stressed. He’s admitted it’s a problem. It was just the text this morning that basically said this time it was my fault.
Man-child

He's a grown up and responsible for his own choices and actions.
Simple as that.
The fact he can't even admit that means this is going nowhere.
Do you have DC together?

And if he hit you would he blame you for that?
He has a problem with alcohol and he’s blaming you to justify him abusing it.
He needs to stop. Or leave.

Yes we have dc 15 and 18.
Good point about the hitting

Tell him that if you had the power to make him do things, you certainly wouldn't have chosen for him to get blindingly drunk.

Why are you with this man at all. What are you getting out of this relationship with this drunkard.

What are you teaching your dc about relationships here?

I totally feel your pain.
Is he normally drinking a lot?
My husband is an alcoholic and a narcissist, it's terrible combination as everything is someone else fault. I've learned over the years to ignore it and it works pretty well.

Speaking as one who is a bit too fond of the red stuff for my own good, I can tell you your husband is speaking out the wrong end.

You have to have a reason to drink, so you can rationalise that you aren't dependent on it, it's outside forces that make you do it. So you make up excuses for having a glass or 6.

I didn't get a pay rise.
The journey home was crap.
I hate my job.
The cake I baked got half left.
My boss is an arse.

And you find yourself at the self-service till waving a bottle through.

He's using you as an excuse so he doesn't have to face up to how much he's putting away.

I'm so sorry, I'm such a jerk.Tried to reply to different thread and can't delete it

NoChocolateThanks

If you report your post MN can remove it.

My H did that too. It's really normal for people who suffer from alcohol problems to do that. Don't accept it. Drinking is 100% his choice and his responsibility.

Thanks for all your replies. You’ve all confirmed what I thought.

Thanks Atilla
Just did it