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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do you try and fix things or know when to give up?

2 replies

buddahbelly · 05/11/2018 12:27

Been with my dp for nearly 18 years and the past few years have been unbearable, I lost both my nan and stepdad (both brought me up and I was extremely closer to both than my birth parents). He also lost his own dad.

We've obviously grown as people and during his grief particularly he became depressed, anxious to the point I didn't recognise him anymore. His anxiety has got considerably worse and over the weekend it all came pouring out what was in his head.

We've been in this existing feeling in our house for a number of years and neither has wanted to express how they were feeling, its at the point now where we both agreed to properly try for the sake of our 6 year old son. But I dont know how to try. I care for him deeply, but its more out of sympathy for what he's feeling and going through than actual love. I don't think I'm in love with him anymore, our sex life has been non existent for a number of years.

How do you try, or how do you know when its time to call it a day. Id hate to think i've walked away from something that could have been fixed if id just known how. He tells me he loves me dearly, but for 3/4 years now ive felt like his mother or carer and its hard t switch back over to feelings of desire and being romantic with him.

OP posts:
pippistrelle · 05/11/2018 12:32

Well, it would be a shame to give up now just at the point where he's opened up to you but it's daunting and it's not going to be an overnight thing.

I'd say the first step is professional help for his anxiety. Living with someone who is depressed and anxious can be seriously draining. If you can tackle that first, then the way forward might seem clearer.

AlohaFi · 05/11/2018 12:55

How do you try, or how do you know when its time to call it a day. Id hate to think i've walked away from something that could have been fixed if id just known how

When you have tried everything and anything to fix things, and feel confident you could not have done more, then you are done.
Counceling, couples and separately, could be a good start.

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