DH does not want to talk

[Moneymachine]

I am really trying to save our marriage. in the last few months I have done: counselling (on my own), self counselling books, talking to a wise & trusted friend, approaching subject with DH..

DH fully aware that there are serious issues but does not accept / admit any wrong doing and is not keen to talk to anyone about it. He basically buries his head in sand - not wanting to think about it or address it in any way. There is no remorse on his part for any negative / unacceptable behaviour.

Where do I go from here?

That's very sad if your problems are serious, but if he won't engage with the process of saving your marriage, then I think you have to admit defeat. Do you have any idea why he finds it difficult to talk? I know it sounds weird but is written communication a better medium for him (just as a stepping stone to talking)?

Maybe try a last ditch ultimatum. But if that doesn't work, then I think you just have to focus on yourself.

You can’t try enough to make up for him. Unless he wants to identify issues and make changes then you either accept your marriage as it is or you don’t and end it

Does he still want to continue the marriage?
Does he want things to change?

He wants marriage to continue. He wants change for better. But does not seem to want to do anything to make it happen

I've been there op. There is no more you can do it's up to him and if hes not prepared to put any effort in that I would say it's game over unless you're happy to continue living as you are. I left my exh because I felt I had tried as hard as I could to save it whilst he did nothing.

Good advice about written communication - maybe that would work better for us. Shall I encourage him to write first (I tried in past and he jotted down very valid reasons for his unhappiness - but those were the things I stopped doing as a result of my unhappiness and very simple to put right, those were not deep / character faults)
Or shall I write down how I feel and ask him to respond?

I can not carry on as it is - it is detrimental to our family set up and I am concerned about our future

I felt I had to go to counselling etc to 'save' my relationship, but my ex-OH wouldn't consider couple's counselling at all or accept any responsibility. Some of my male friends have said if that was happening in their relationship, they would be running over hot coals to see a counsellor if it helped save their relationship. In hindsight, my ex-OH didn't want to save it because he already had his back up (OW) in place. Your DH is either extremely pig headed/so depressed he can't articulate himself or....another woman.

E-mail him with all that you've said here if you want to set the ball rolling, and hopefully be able to work up to having an actual conversation.

DH is depressed and on medication and I do back off a lot because of that, and provide excuses for his bad behaviour.

It won’t be OW - I would be massively surprised if it was. He comes from a very decent stock

I will get the ball rolling on email - I will try anything to save it.

Thank you all x