I've namechanged so if anyone recognises me, I don't want to be outed!
I am dating again having been single for almost a decade. I was abused as a child by family members, including one who was part of a paedophile ring. I had a horrendous upbringing but I went through therapy for years to learn to deal with it. I was married and had 2 children (now both grown up). There came a point in time when I had to go to court for some of the things the happened in my past and my exh could not cope with it (we were married at the time). Because he felt unable to support me, I couldn't look him in the eye any more as my husband and our marriage fell apart and we got divorced.
I've had 2 disastrous relationships in that time - the first one turned out to be lying to me, the second one had quite severe mental issues himself which impacted our relationships. Both appeared (on the outside) to be totally normal, loving men and both were known to friends of mine so it wasn't like I found them out of the blue!
I went back to therapy and the therapist helped me see why I was attracting slightly chaotic men (even though I thought they weren't) based on what I was used to in my past.
I began online dating but found it completely overwhelming. I've met a combination of men who said they weren't married but were, men who lied about their age, men who just wanted sex, men who were overkeen and bought me presents on the first date....and on it goes. But I am finding it completely emotionally draining and I'm wondering whether there is any easier way of doing this. I'm guessing not!
In the meantime, I have come off the dating sites while I have a think about it but I'd be interested to hear your views. Maybe I should just not try and have another relationship and leave it but I miss the companionship (and the sex, which I love!). I think it's looking for the combination of gentleness and fun which I'm finding particularly hard.