DH hit DS around the head

[TonyTeapot]

He's contrite and repentant this morning but he wasn't at first. He was more angry that I told him in front of DS that daddy had done the wrong while I was comforting him. I'm really shocked.

Both DSs are at quite an irritating stage (7 & 10) and really wind DH up with general fighting, silliness and lack of co operation. Yesterday evening he was having a go at every tiny annoyance.

We have an agreement not to hit. His father was a hitter and DH hated it. When DS1 was younger I slapped his bum out of utter frustration and was mortifed - apologised immediately to DS and told him I was wrong, told DH as soon as I saw him and worked on the issue I had with irritability.

I'm scared at how DH snapped. I'm angry that he hit him on the head. I've said all these things to him. But this feels like a big line to me. He keeps comparing it the my smacking DS on the bottom and says I'm a hypocrite but it feels different to me.

That's great advice, thanks Sethis.

I didn't see the hit, just heard DS yelling. DH swears it was 'just a tap' but he would say that.

I was thinking of counselling for DH really. Or as a first step a parenting workshop of some kind.

I think forcing counselling on someone who doesn't want it might further damage the family cohesion i.e. he resents the outside involvement of a professional, you resent him resenting it, the son feels like he's caused the resentment, your DH resents the son for "causing" this drama in the first place... etc etc etc

I'd say sit-down family discussion first, see what they say during that discussion, and monitor afterwards to see how they're both acting - alone and together. With any luck it'll pass over and won't happen again.

However please bear in mind nobody on the internet knows you, your DH, or your sons and how they think, so really I'd listen to all advice (even my own) with a huge pinch of salt and take whatever steps you think will best keep your whole family safe, happy, and moving on.

Why are posters conveniently ignoring that she also previously smacked her son? So if her DP needs counselling so should she?
You were repentant, and now you DP is, so I would just have a conversation that neither of you smack him in the future, and move on.

I'm against hitting, but if your husband has hitting tendencies I would ask him to avoid the head in future. Slap the back of the hand or something. Anywhere but the head.