Uncertain

[Banana73]

My dh says things to the kids like. ‘Don’t climb on my table, I’ve worked hard for that’. And similar comments relating to other household items. This annoys me as whilst he has been the main bread winner I have contributed by looking after kids and less well paid jobs. I feel like he’s undermining my status in the family. Do others think this is horrible or is it just me?

Tjis wouldn’t bother me but I think it depends on how else the relationship is.
Do you feel equal and appreciated?

I wouldn't describe it as horrible. In fact it wouldn't bother me at all. Did he buy the table? It's probably a phrase he heard growing up, I did. If you find it undermining, could you ask him to modify his language, 'your mum and I worked hard for that'?

It's just a phrase. He isn't going to say "that mummy and I worked hard for and she picked out from her favourite shop" or whatever.

The underlying resentment could reveal the real problem. Do you feel your husband belittles or minimises your role/contribution to the family?

I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. I think he just wants to instil in DC an understanding that possessions cost money and should be respected.

It depends what he thinks and if the remark is a conscious statement of that. Why not ask him and then talk about the contributions you both make for the family. Then ensure that it is recognised and valued by all.

Overall my view is that is is like saying, I made that, about a cake. Without referring to how someone bought the ingredients or oven etc.

You’re a team and partnership so I don’t know why this bothers you? I can’t imagine at times when my OH earned more than me having an issue with him saying he had worked hard for something in our shared home.

Just cos you earn the most doesn’t mean you work harder and the converse is true. He’s just talking about his own hard work. Unless he’s directly said you didn’t work for it you’re overreacting :)

Thanks everyone. It’s good to hear some voices of reason! Our problems are quite complex such as him not wanting to have sex with me! As a result of this I think other things seem more significant than they are! Anyway that’s a whole different thread.
Thanks again.

Hang on. Before you go. Talk to us about the other stuff.

Saying that comment in isolation may be nothing. But not wanting to have sex with you? And other problems.

There's more to this clearly. Please let us help you. Talk to us