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Original poster

Husband says it's over after argument

16 replies

Charlmon2015 · 05/11/2018 01:20

I really could do with talking to someone right now, me and my husband have been together 3 years, married for 4 months, we've always had ups and downs, he received some bad news on Friday and said I shouted and embarrassed him when he was going through a tough time. He was getting stressed because of the bad news so I tried to calm the situation but he said I was shouting. He said it's over and there's no going back for you, he said he don't want anything to do with me any more, he said I'm nasty, evil a bitch selfish. And he wants me out of his life, he said I can stay in his property as I've not where else to go but now says he wants me to leave and if he finds out I'm seeing someone else he's going to kick me out. I have no friends and no family and I'm really struggling to cope on my own. We've had fall out before but always made it right the next day, this time he's serious it's over. Last week he said he love me and can't bare to live without me and that no matter how many fall out we have he can't imgine his life without me but why would he say all that and now it feels like he hates me. I love and miss him so much. He throw his wedding ring at me, I'm now scared and feeling fearful for my future. I can't bare the thought of him with someone else. Please someone help as I feel like I can't cope. He asked to marry me and we are meant to be in the middle of treatment to conceive but I don't see that happening now

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 05/11/2018 02:16

Well he sounds like a cunt.

As you are married, you have a legal right to remain in the family home. You also have some rights to a financial claim on it. (Although it won't be much due to it being a short marriage.)

I'd suggest you seek advice from CAB as soon as they open on Monday.

Seniorschoolmum · 05/11/2018 02:25

Wow. Well the first thing is to stay calm, keep out of his way for a few hours and wait for him to calm down.
I don’t know how bad the news was but there is no reason for him to act like that.
Why do you want to be with someone who treats you like that? I wouldn’t And definitely do not have a child with him while he behaves like a spoilt thug.
I think you need to do a major re-evaluation. Firstly, you shouldn’t be that dependant on anyone, ever. Time to focus on building your own life and support network. Secondly, it isn’t ok to treat you like that so start working out how to leave now. You need to check out benefits, woman’s aid, local housing & house shares. And you need to start building up an emergency deposit because even if you stay this time, it is only a delay. Open a separate account, DO NOT tell him about it.

So sorry this is a tough time, but you will be much better off without him in the long run.

Hopoindown31 · 05/11/2018 07:58

Did you shout at him? Your post isn't clear on what really happened.

Charmel2015 · 05/11/2018 08:32

He got stressed over the news and took it out on me, I tried to calm the situation and he said I was shouting which i don't think I did. But I said sorry to him to try and stop the situation escalating anymore. I've stay out of his way sinch Friday when it happened. I've tried to talk to him but he's still angry and say hurtful things. I don't know what else to do

Cutietips · 05/11/2018 08:41

I agree with senior, it’s really not healthy to rely on someone so much. But if you’re married, he can’t kick you out of the family home. First you need legal advice, if you can’t afford it, try at least to contact CAB. It’s important that you become independent. How has it come about that you’re so dependent on him? Has he encouraged this by not liking this friend, thinking that one is not good for you etc? If so, Women’s Aid or. Counselling would be the way forward.

It’s really not up to you alone to resolve this. It has to come from both sides. If he’s not willing to engage then you can’t move forward. You may need some support in how to deal with confrontation, become assertive rather than aggressive (if you really were shouting at him).

pog100 · 05/11/2018 08:46

For God's sake don't stay with this idiotic wanker. Life shouldn't be this hard with someone.

ElspethFlashman · 05/11/2018 08:49

"Ups and Downs" = we've always fought like cat and dog, imo.

It sounds like a very unhealthy dynamic.

What bad news did he get anyway? Did a family member pass away?

SlipperyNettle · 05/11/2018 09:00

He’s done. You need to stop navel gazing and spring into action and do what it takes practically to leave ASAP. You can deal with the emotional fallout later, when you’re in a safe and secure position independently supporting yourself. Put your energy into that.

Notacluewhatthisis · 05/11/2018 09:13

To be honest I would like to hear his view of the argument.

Because either you are minimising or he is a massive cunt that's looking for an out anyway.

Personally I would prepared yourself to move on. Emotion ally and financially.

CupMug · 05/11/2018 09:35

Whatever you do I suggest not having a child with this man. It's unfair on a child to be bought into a relationship with such nasty 'ups and downs'

I wouldn't stay in the relationship either. Life is too short to stay in unhappy relationships. You sound young? Wouldn't you rather be single and wait to find someone you don't have nasty arguments with.

Charmel2015 · 05/11/2018 15:45

I've managed to try and stay calm today, tried to talk to him but he said there's no going back for us as he thinks the relationship is not working. I've manage to get some help from counselling as I'm struggling to cope. I relied on him as I had no one else and he said he would never leave me and can't imgine his life without me but now it just seems like he hates me. We are just waiting on results to find out it's it bad or not, he said I didn't support him enough at the hospital and that I was shouting and embarrassing him. I admit when I talk my voice levels raise but I'm not shouting, he was upset with the news on what may be wrong with him and took it out on me and I tried to calm the situation down but made it worse. On the same day he gave up smoking as well so wasn't in the best of moods. He said I only think of myself and that I'm nasty evil bitch. And he don't want anything to do with. I'm upset he's called me these names as I've done nothing but support him for the past 3 years. I've ask for a second chance but he said no. I'm now at a loss on what to do as I just feel so much pain

SabineUndine · 05/11/2018 17:00

I bet he’s got someone else lined up. I just bet.

GertrudeCB · 05/11/2018 18:19

Leave him.

Arnoldthecat · 05/11/2018 18:57

Leave now. The way he behaves is symptomatic of other issues. This isnt how it should be. Maybe youve just gotten used to it?

Charmel2015 · 05/11/2018 20:32

I just keep thinking he will change his mind and everything will be ok, I'm in so much pain, I can't stop crying. I just miss him so much

Singlenotsingle · 05/11/2018 20:37

You need to name change back, OP. You were charlmon, now you're charmel.

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