My father died when I was in my early twenties. I didn't speak to him for most of my teenage years following him hitting me with a stick for being cheeky to him/my mother. This was an awful experience but a one-off. He lost his temper and lashed out.
Other than that he was a hands-off dad. Always working, didn't do anything to do with childcare or or education or housework. Very traditional roles - my mum was a housewife, he worked. We were reasonably close despite this until the hitting episode.
I just have one strange, vivid memory and on and off over the years I worry about it.
When I was 3 or maybe 4 I distinctly remember being in bed and my father there and giving me some chocolate. I have no idea why this would have happened but it did.
He never did bedtimes. Ever. If my mum wasn't there (She was ALWAYS there except for when she would have been in hospital having a baby) we had a childminder. My father did not ever have anything to do with us getting dressed/ ready for bed/ food/anything. The memory is striking even just for the fact he was in my bedroom.
I don't think there was much of an emphasis on healthy food/ dental hygiene. I'm sure I often went to bed with unbrushed teeth. But to give a child who was already in bed some chocolate? I just can't fathom why that would have happened and I don't like where my mind goes on this.
I'm afraid that I have blocked something out. I feel better for having written it down. I could ask my mum but I am loathe to do so. She talks about him as though he were a saint and reminisces about their marriage in a way that makes me think she is delusional.