Would you stay with the father of you're child and stay miserable or leave?

[ForBlogsSake]

The reason I ask is because I really am not happy in my relationship..But people I know that have separated it has affected the relationship with the kids..

If he is not abusive then I would stay. Broken families really aren't great for kids. Despite the best of intentions and amicable split ups, it does affect them (Even if they are good at putting up a front)

Unhappy in what way?

I’ve been wondering the same thing for the last year. It’s miserable and crushingly lonely but I don’t know if it’s bad enough to split.

Well, I left with my 10 month old.

Usually the issues with separated parents are the ones that act twattish after the separation - parents that act bitter, slag off each other to the children, don't have a clear co parenting plan, etc.

Luckily exh and I had a very amicable divorce. We have a very happy healthy child and we parent together in a way that works for us. I would never stay in an unhappy relationship.

He wouldn't hit me but puts me in a bad state of mind..If I confront him about any issues in our relationship he ignores me or goes on a rant..If the child crys he imitates her makes it worse and gets angry really easy..it gets stressful and I am tired of it..

I’m staying atm because been an eu citizen, it feels too unsafe for me to separate atm.
I also have had health problems in the last few years and I’m still working on recovering.
So my aim atm is to make the best out if the situation, make it work (ish) until those two things have settled down.

It has to be said that it’s only working because
1- H is not abusive
2- I’ve detached a lot so a lot of things that used to make me miserable don’t anymore (eg his total lack of empathy)
3- this situation where we are basically house sharing is sort of working for him too so he isn’t resentful/angry etc....

If it hadn’t been for my health, I wouod have left years but ago (but I then physically couldn’t have looked after my two dcs so it wasn’t an option)

Quite honestly I find it bizarre that people think a home filled with unhappiness is somehow a better way to parent just because it's a 2 parent household. I read about so many awful situations on here and it makes me thankful to be on my own!

I left as mine was abusive not physically but verbally. I really didn't want my daughter to come from a broken family but couldn't stand it a minute longer.

Breaking up does affect children, but so does living in an unhappy, stressful home. Families can be broken with both parents living together. Sometimes splitting up is what fixes a family.

The data that says children of single parents don't do as well is all bollox. They have no idea how those children would have done if those parents stayed together. They may have had a much worse life. We can't know. They (sociologists) don't have a control group of unhappy together patents to measure against. They are measuring them against generally happy together parents.

It really depends on the issues in your relationship OP. What is making you so unhappy and is it fixable with work and professional help? Is fixing it something you both way? If not then putting yourself through torture because of other people's experience and perception is a mistake.

Of course, leaving will affect your child but so will staying in an unhappy, unpleasant relationship.
In terms of leaving, the younger the child, the easier it will be on them and you.
It is possible to have a healthy and amicable co-parenting relationship after split should both parents be willing.

I asked him to leave 4 weeks ago because I was unhappy. Our 7yr old DD is a bit upset but we are doing ok.

Him mocking your dd when she's upset and his anger are excellent reasons to think staying together wouldn't be best for the dc.

If it helps, I come from a home where my parents never fully separated but were miserable and horrible to each other. My siblings and I desperately wanted them to split. The arguments and screaming all the time left us numb with misery. They finally split when we were in our 20s and immediately were happier people and became great to be around.

Good parents try to stop their child crying, not mock them.

I wouldn’t be waiting around to see how he’d handle a child once they stated taking/ answering back/ having an opinion he didn’t agree with.

I’d put my child first and leave.

I left my ex at 35 weeks pregnant with his child because he had broken me so much emotionally I had no idea how I was going to cope with a baby in the state I was in.

DD is 4. Never regretted it. She's the happiest child you'll meet.

Following this thread. I have two DC’s. I’m desperate to leave. I wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt my kids but I think the way my H belittles me constantly in front of them will have a worse effect long term. I am getting ducks in a row and preparing to leave. If I have the balls to actually do it! Good luck OP

I left, or rather ended it and he left. He ds1 emotionally abusive and controlling, manipulative . Not that you'd believe it if you let him now.

At the time dc were 2 and 9 months. ExH appears to be sorting his shit out. Too late for us, but will hopefully mean we can have a decent parenting relationship.

Why stay when you can leave and show your children what true happiness is. It won't be easy but both you and your children deserve to live in happiness, good luck with your decisions x

Can't you work on the problems? That would be favourable.

@SandyY2K OP said he either ignores her or goes on a rant when she tries to discuss the problems. Also that he angers easily and that doesn't sound good to me.

Working on a relationship has to require effort from both sides, not just one person. If he's not willing to listen or change then there's nothing else you can do.

DH and I split when DD was 4. All 3 of us are so much happier now,but like BitchQueen90 says, the adults need to be prepared to put the children first, and it seems that not everyone can.
XDH and I co-parent very successfully together, DD spends 50% of her time at each parent's. Nevertheless we both see her almost every day because XDH only lives half a mile away. We work together to cover school runs and fit around our work.
XDH is thinking of moving 45mins away, but only if I move too - so we're looking at moving together but separately. I'm fine with that, I've got itchy feet too.

My DPs divorced when I was a toddler. It sounds like they really didn't get on, so I'm glad they did.

Your H does not sound like a good father OP.

@Bitchqueen90

I only read her first post and didn't see that he ignores her and imitates her child when she's upset.

He doesn't sound like a man I'd want to be with I must say.

I totally agree that a successful relationship needs 2 people putting effort and not one going on a rant.

OP.. I think you and your DD would be better without him. It's not nice to imitate a child whose upset like that.

I let him sleep in and took baby to another room.When he woke up I said I will take a nap for an hour as DD has been hard work for two days straight.I woke up and he gave out saying the minute I have a chance I give him the child...tbh it's not true..he also works till 8 Monday to Friday and said that he is the one to do everything for DD..And that I spoil her to much and don't listen to him..When she crys he thinks that she should go into her crib and cry it out...If he had his way that's how he would do it...Even had a problem minding her while i was cooking his dinner.... Honestly I was shocked when he shouted at me for these things ..he has no patience at all..Didn't use the exact words but basically might as well say I am a crap mother.

As a child of a mother that stayed, I’d leave every time. Being in a miserable environment for my whole childhood caused me untold issues that I only started to get to grips with in my 30s. I desperately wish they’d just split and divorced when we were still young.

To be honest, I don’t see how you can say his behaviour isn’t abusive.