DC wants to take a photo of me, then and their dad to dad’s house

[icouldbewrongicouldberight]

STBX left more than a year ago and has since, and very recently, moved in with his girlfriend of 8 months. My child has regular overnight stays with STBX every couple of weeks.

I took a load of magnetic pictures of STBXH off my fridge and suggested to DC that they take them to dad’s. Some of them are just of STBXH others are of him and DC.

DC has now started to insist that they take a picture of all three of us (In happier times 😣) to put on dad’s fridge. DC has recently expressed a bit of upset over pictures of them with dad being pushed to the back and replaced by pictures of STBXH with his new girlfriend.

I have tried to explain to DC that new girlfriend probably won’t want pictures of me on her fridge just as I don’t want pictures of her on mine. DC has suggested that they have a picture of us (me, them and dad) in their bedroom. Is this appropriate?

Coming from a “step mum” position I’d say family pictures in their room is absolutely fine

I have photos of Ds with his dad in his room. Doesn’t bother me at all :)

I would probably send a photo of just you and her and suggest that she gets a nice up to date one of him and dd for her room here, but you are also happy for her to have as many as she wants of the three of you in her bedroom too. I think that one of the three of you at their house could be misconstrued.

Absolutely appropriate. You are their Mother and still very much in the picture so if they want to have pictures of you and the in their bedrooms when they are away from you then of course they should be able to, it gives them comfort and any decent stepmother or new partner will completely understand.

That sounds absolutely appropriate. I can’t imagine anyone reasonable being uncomfortable with that. You are a family after all.

Thank you. I haven’t met StBX’s new partner so have no direct way to speak to her. Things are a bit tricky with STBX and DC finds it hard to say how he feels to STBX. New girlfriend has a child too so am hoping she will be sympathetic to DC’s needs.

I think they should be allowed pictures of their dad at your house and vice versa. When you said you took the pictures of their dad off the fridge, do they have pictures of him in their room?

When my stepkids were little they had a photo book they took with them between houses full of photos of them with their parents. They also had photos of their mum up in their bedroom.

My DSS has pictures of him and his Mum at ours. Absolutely no issue with it at all. We've got a folder on the computer with pictures of when DH and his ex were together if DSS ever wants to see them. DSS has a picture of him and Dad and him and his half brother in his room at his mums.

LadyLapsang Yes we have lots of photos still on the walls. It was just the ones of STBX on his own and a couple of him and DC that I suggested he take over. I have no need for pictures of STBX on his skateboard. 😄

Pictures in their rooms should always be allowed (on display or in albums) but not in public areas unless you are comfortable - everyone is different, I know people who have "happy family" pictures still up, others can't, too painful

Thanks for the advice no am giving DC a dram with space for three photos. One of me them and STBX, and then if he wants one of them with STBX and girlfriend etc. Though STBX seems happy to have the family fridge magnet too so will just send the whole lot with DC.

Am new to all this so was hoping not to offend anyone and do anything inappropriate.

I don't know, it could cause trouble. In an ideal works it shouldn't, but some people can get worked up so easily. I had a friend who was very bitter at her ex husband. She insisted her daughter took pictures of her to her dad's house and even had a doll made that looked like her in her work uniform that her daughter took to her dad's house. My friend used to giggle that it would wind him up. Equally my stepson used to have to remove screensavers of his pony from his phone before he left our house or his mum would tell him to "get that ugly thing off your phone".

We used to have a picture in the living room of DH on a day out with his ex, kids and family friends, it's only not there anymore because it's been replaced by more up to date pictures. I'd draw the line at pictures of just DH and his ex on open display but DH has kept some on his ipad which is fine. If the new gf has an issue with the fridge magnets she can sort that out directly with your ex.

Omg honeyroar that is awful. This is definitely not the kind of thing I think any of us will do. Thankfully we are all sensible people with our children’s best interests at heart.