Help get a grip

[spinningworld]

Sorry not going to go into details again, I'm trying to forget but.....

I'm so struggling at the moment. My cheating ex, slept with ow three times before he realised it was mistake! I've kicked him out, and the thought of them together makes my stomach turn.

I miss him so much, I keep drafting messages to him (still sitting in my drafts) I'm stupidly trying to convince myself I could trust him again one day and we would be happy. I know my thoughts are madness but my love for him is trying to take over

I just feel so weak, 40 next year. Good job, own house, but no kids and I can't help feeling I'm now on the shelf forever.

It's so hard to let go of someone you love and you clearly are only in the beginning phase. Give yourself time, don't give into want you want to do right now, wait and after time you will learn that you can do it, you don't need him. There are plenty of others in the same situation as you, you will not be on a shelf, get out there and enjoy your life. Don't waste your time wanting to go back to someone who clearly has very little respect for what you had together.. You will learn to love again ❤️ I can't assume he would do it again, but are you seriously willing to put yourself through it? Everyday you will probably paranoid and you just might think you can forgive, but it's certain you will never forget.

@youdontknowme

Thank you. It's still very raw, it's been about a week.

If I'm honest he probably would do it again, he has form for it (when he was with his ex wife). I have recently become friendly with her, she has been a rock to me.

It's the love bit, it just seems so far away to wake up and think 'I'm over him'

He is still in contact with the OW which hurts. He says they are not seeing each other, she has a partner who doesn't know about the affair. He has blocked me on all social media, but the still being in contact with her but erases me, hurts.

He has left pets behind, cats and horses. He hasn't even asked how they are

We wasn't together a massively long time, nearly three years, but long enough for me to think we would be together to the end.

Tel him he either signs ownership of the pets over or you or give him a date they need to be gone by.
I remarried and had ds at 43!!
You are so not left on the shelf op !!

It's not a shelf, it's a step. Much of life is how you choose to see it.

@Santaisgettingbusy

Oh god no, sorry I didn't explain properly.

They are my animals, I guess because I don't have kids (they are my 'kids' and life), he was a big part of their lives, especially the cats who are missing him terribly, I would have thought he might ask how they are

would have thought he might ask how they are

If he was a decent human being he would. QED?

Tootrue, I like that expression. There are many steps in so many directions in our lives, but steps are connected and manageable. Shelves sound high up, out of the way.

Even better. No needn't to contact him at all!!
When I threw exh out he didn't even say goodbye to my dc.
A true reflection of his true worth.
Same for you op.
Hope it reminds you he is a prize twat and life ahead is going to be better without him - and animals always boost you on ime!!

As the saying goes "stop looking for happiness in the same place where you lost it" . The fact that he is still in contact with the other woman says alot about him.
He obviously doesn't even respect the fact of how much he has hurt you.
Incredibly selfish. I suppose you probably wonder to yourself now, did he actually ever care atall?
As long as you know it's not your fault and don't blame yourself for anything.
You will hopefully meet someone else some day that will love and appreciate you the way you deserve.
Three years is still a long enough length of time, your heart is aching and let it ache for now, but in the end of it all, you will become stronger.
Just remember if you do go looking for love again, remember that not everyone is the same and not everyone will cheat on you.