Christmas day...where do you and dp go?

[Mentalmum91]

So I have 3 dcs and dp is daddy to my youngest Dd. It will be her first Christmas this year. Normally I have my eldest 2 on Christmas day and then boxing day their daddy (my ex partner) has like a second Christmas day for them. I have been with dp 3 years and so far we have done santa together with my older two in the morning then I go to my parents and he goes to his. Boxing day we spend together. This year he had assumed we would do the same thing. I think it is odd as we have Dd together and it's her first Christmas. His sister has 2 dcs and he is very close to her older one especially so wants to spend time with him. He says I shouldn't be making him choose between us and will only be away from us for a few hours. I understand where he is coming from so am not asking him to choose but honestly I'm a bit insulted. I think if we stay together and visit everyone together or have Christmas together and let everyone come to us if they want to? Does anyone else split up for dinner? I will just go with the flow but what does everyone else do?

Even before we were married and had dc we visited our families together over Christmas. Is there a feasible way of incorporating separate visits to both sets of family? Surely his family will want to see your new baby as well?

Sounds as if he’s being rather inflexible and resisting change but obviously things do change when you have dc together.

Bit weird to leave his partner and dc.
I'd have thought (where everyone gets on with both families) it would be more normal to alternate, go to his family this year and your family next year.

Thanks! Glad to know I'm not weird for thinking it's weird lol. His family is so lovely I'd be happy to alternate or go to both sets. My parents are admittedly a bit odd but we still all get on great. I assume I'll just suck it up but was just interested to see if anyone else split up for the day!

Hi OP,
I've been married nearly six years & with DH for 11.5yrs.ee have two dc. I've had Christmas Dinner with him once! and that was the Christmas after I lost my sibling. We're both very close to our families & have preferred to go our separate ways for the day. Last yer we took a dc each. It was the baby's first Christmas.

Having said that, this year we're going to my in laws, all together & will rotate each year. We decided to start that as my eldest is now 4 & I suppose he might start to miss us being together.

Not conventional, but worked for us!

I think you should be together given you now have a dd together. Weird to separate.

That’s incredibly odd to spend Christmas apart, even if you didn’t have your dd, but as a couple who lives together and shares a life. My dh and I were long distance when we were dating (different counties), but even then we always spent Christmas together. Then obviously every year since we got married. We are either at home and have our own Christmas, sometimes family are invited to ours, or we go to his family (mine is too far away and they don’t really do much on Christmas anyway so we wouldn’t want to go there). You need to figure out some way of rotating through so that you do different things on alternate years while including your older dc. It’s weird to want to be with extended family but not your partner and children.

Paris.

I appreciate it won’t work for everyone but In my paternal family (dad, aunt, siblings, cousin etc, 8 of us plus partners and kids) we have a tradition we all meet up on Boxing Day and have our Christmas then.

This means everyone can have Christmas Day in their smaller family units, do their in laws or whatever they want. But come Boxing Day we all head for our family time

This avoids the alternating Christmas issues and also takes the pressure off worrying if anyone will miss Christmas or the such like.

My family has been doing this for well over 150 years and the partners and in laws all seem to think it’s a great solution, especially when grand kids come along as the children basically get two full grand parent Christmas lunches, gift giving etc

It's not only weird it's very unreasonable of him to put his nephew above his own child. Can't you all go to his Mum's or your Mum's? Maybe start alternating? He has to accept that there has been a significant change in the set up. Also, when your DC together gets older, wont they want to spend the whole day with their siblings and Dad? Tell him things have changed and it's time to be flexible. Can't he nip out after the present unwrapping but before Xmas dinner and see his nephew then come back? It's all about creating memories, not resentments.

Thanks everyone. Sassypants my eldest is 6 and my middle child is 4. Although he is not their dad they at times are confused my our/their relationship (he still owns his own house but lives in mine most of the time so often they will still ask if he lives with us) so obviously I would like him there for them to see us as a unit as you and your dh do now with your dcs. I would rather he enjoyed his Christmas too though so I have told him how I feel and he is free to do what he feels is best. I imagine forcing anything or arguing the point would cause resentment, last thing I want to do is ruin everyone's Christmas. I will absolutely still have a good Christmas as will the kids (they adore my parents). It's just a little sad for me I guess.

Also dadsussex I love what you do! Such a lovely tradition. Unfortunately my older two children go to their dads house and his side of the family on boxing day so it would mean my parents (and partners parents) wouldn't see them at all if we did our own Christmas.