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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My relationship is going nowhere, I need to cut my losses don't I?

6 replies

GoingNowhereFast123 · 03/11/2018 13:26

Just looking for some reassurance that I'm not being an arsehole, really.

I've been with boyfriend 'officially' for a year, but together for 18 months. We are both early thirties. He lives and works an hour drive from me, but two hours away on the train. He doesn't have a car. His job involves some shift work which also complicates matters. I have two DC.

We don't see each other for 2-3 weeks at a time. Having DC I am limited to only being able to drive to see him at the weekends, but due to his shift work he is often working. He has met my DC many times, stayed over, gone for days out so they are very comfortable with him. When we do see each other our relationship is great, I love him dearly, we get on incredibly well, he is responsible etc.

I have suggested he travel from mine to work a couple to times a week so we can see one another more. This would mean an hours commute in the morning and evening. I've offered him use of my car so that he is able to do this. He has done this once and complained the whole time of how 'exhausted' and 'ill' he felt. He hasn't done it since and we have gone back to seeing each other every 2-3 weeks. This to me just seems slightly pathetic.

I don't mind being a single parent. However I hate the fact that I am a single parent in a relationship who gets little support from my boyfriend. I don't expect him to do childcare etc, its more the fact that I am still sat on my own every evening watching telly, alone.

I need to cut my losses, don't I?

OP posts:
OlafLovesAnna · 03/11/2018 13:30

I would, if he's boring on about being tired after an hour commute he would be a nightmare if he had to join normal family life.

You sort of sound as if you're a back up option for him.

Loopytiles · 03/11/2018 13:34

Yes, would move on.

Sounds like he’s not that into you.

harriethoyle · 03/11/2018 13:43

Yep. He sounds pretty tedious tbh...

TheFifthKey · 03/11/2018 13:46

I do an hours commute twice a day, so he can stop boring on about that.

I’m in a similar relationship (length of time, ages, DC) and I tend to have DP staying over maybe 3-4 nights a week. We’re happy not to live together and to have time apart but longer than about 3 nights apart is a bit long for us. 2-3 weeks apart at a time wouldn’t be acceptable to me, and would make me feel he wasn’t into me.

GoingNowhereFast123 · 03/11/2018 17:36

It is very tedious. I’m always the one to suggest ways around the distance and work issues as well.

OP posts:
PaleRider1 · 03/11/2018 21:39

So it’s always you I guess doing the running around?

Cut your losses and move on as he certainly isn’t going to move the relationship forward

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