Found husband's sex tape with ex wife

[porkarooney]

Ok, my husband and I have very recently separated after almost 10 years of marriage. There are no affairs or other people or anything like that but I have just woken up and realised after years of struggling with helping him with his issues with no emotional connection from him and trying to change myself to keep this relationship going he will never change. He has told me in the past that he doesn't know if he loves me and we have split a few times over these issues. I always go back and try again but I just can't get over feeling unloved and unwanted. He is still living here for the time being while we sort things out and decide what to do. We have 3 kids to think about.

However, yesterday I was sorting things out on our shared computer desk and found a rogue video camera with tapes stuffed at the back of the cupboard. I recognised the video camera as my husband's that he had had right at the start of our relationship. Intrigued, I thought I would see what was on the tapes. Naively thought there might be some early footage of us on there from the start of our relationship. Yeah, how wrong was I. My eyes and brain will never recover from the images I saw of my husband and his ex wife having sex together. Actually made me feel physically ill. This footage has travelled with us through 3 house moves! Why would he not get rid of it?!

I confronted him last night and he says he has never watched it whilst with me at all. Despite it being shoved at the back of a cupboard....this makes me suspicious in itself. I just can't believe him. He says he forgot he had it.

Despite us going our separate ways this has hurt me beyond belief. It is so disrespectful to our marriage and to his ex wife. I'm sure she wouldn't be happy to know that he could look back at her naked anytime he wanted to.

I'm not really sure what I am asking for advice for. I guess I just needed a place to vent. Feeling shit.

I'd give it back to her or burn it.
So disrespectful!

Scrap that don't give it back to her. Just burn it.

Maybe there’s your answer he has never stopped loving her that’s why he didn’t or couldn’t love you in the way you deserved I would smash it up as he never watched it so he no longer needs it tell him it’s gone and watch his facial expression and be glad you were already separating and not all loved
up as it would have hurt much more good luck with everything.

To be honest, we have done house moves with boxes of video tapes that have been left at the back of a cupboard. Blokes forget about this type of thing and I reckon he probably forgot.

I do feel that out of respect to her that he doesn't have the right to have this footage of her for his own gratification (if he's using it for that) I would be appalled to think an ex would be in charge of such a personal experience. But is there any excuse for him keeping this tape through our ten year relationship?

Handbag....I would assume the same IF it hadn't recently been taken out of the loft and stored secretly at the back of our computer desk.

Definitely destroy it. It’s nloody creepy he still kept it.

Bloody

Blokes forget about this type of thing

That is one of the most naive sentiments I've seen expressed on here.

Man forgets about homemade porn.

I very much doubt it!

Surely she knows he made it? And she knows she hasn't destroyed it? So, unless he promised her it was gone, she may not give a shit. Of course this assuming you don't know her well personally.

I wouldn't get to caught up in the fact it's disrespectful to her as you have no idea if she would have an issue.

It's very concerning he kept it and this may answer why he has been such a shit. Tale care of yourself and get the fuckwit out your life as soon as you can.

If you suspect he has told her it's gone or that she would be upset. You need to make that decision about wether your should tell her and want to take that route.

I don't know how they left it....it would be one of the first things i did on leaving a relationship! Delete all homemade porn. She had an affair and left him but I can't imagine that nothing was said about it between them before they separated. I think I'll just destroy it and wash my eyes out with bleach.

Hi god, I'd be mortified if a text tape of mine was surviving house moves and being kept at the back of a computer cupboard. He's obviously watched it recently, or planned to, if it's been taken down from the loft.

I'd ask him if she knows he still keeps it to wank to and let him squirm. So incredibly disrespectful to her and you.

You are so well rid.

How weird.

I wouldn't let her know. There is not much to be gained from that by either her or by you. She'd feel uneasy, annoyed and violated I suspect but there's nothing she could usefully do, he's committed no crime. I'd quietly destroy it. And then I'd count my blessings that he's out of my life.

Sorry you're going throug this.

another agreeing with..... Destroy it..

He likely knows he kept tape.
Bin tape. Bin him.