OK firstly I know I'm an idiot. And sorry it's long I am trying to be concise! Think of it as a soap that's what I do!
This man was unsupportive whilst I was pregnant. He was out drinking until 6am almost every single night whilst I was pregnant. I posted about it here and a few people advised me to leave but stupidly I didn't. I thought it would get better. I am 30 he is 27 DS is 9mths
Well.. it didn't get better. The birth was difficult (induction) and I ended up with a 3rd degree tear. So I was pretty much immobilised for nearly 3 months.
The first 2 months he was good. He used to bring DS to me to breastfeed and then burp him change him and put him to sleep. Then he'd go out to the bar for a couple of hours and come home and do it all again. He'd do all this during the night as well.
We live abroad in a place where work is seasonal so he wasn't working also we have no family here so it was just us (I'm a SAHM). DS is a high needs baby and for the first 4 months cried almost constantly. He still is very high maintenance but I've learned to cope and I couldn't love him any more or be any closer to him. He's an absolute joy.
By the 3rd month he had started back at (bar) work (and I was almost recovered). He was also back to being out drinking every night (until about 3am) so we had a lot of arguments about that. One night a girl came in to his bar and he kissed her (says it was only a kiss). Then there was a month of messages, sexting and sending nudes as they planned their new life together. I found out and flew to my mum's. He said he wanted to be with us and not her. After about 1 week I told him I was coming back. Within hours he was messaging her again.
Eventually I got him to break off contact with her. He then spent the next 6mths partying as he had done when I was pregnant. He even went to Ibiza and didn't tell me until he was there.
I kicked him out a couple times and even left myself. He just went out even more and I took him back just so I could get a break from DS for a few hours.
Also recently found messages of him asking girls he'd slept with in the past for videos. He did this before DS.. when we'd been together about 6mths.
He also adds every girl he meets in his bar job to his facebook and sometimes snapchat. He also says he's working late when I find out from other people that he's out drinking. He'd rather be anywhere than home with me and DS.
There was a period where he was saying he was depressed but turns out he was on cocaine so that explains it. Also he does get aggressive on occasion. We sleep in separate rooms as I don't want him drunk or anything else around our son and I don't trust him wven when he says he's sober. I'd say we've had sex less than 10 times in as many months.
We tried couples counselling but he only listened to the counsellor re. what I needed to do and didn't take in any of the suggestions the counsellor gave him.
So now I've decided to give up my dream of living in the sun and move to the UK to be near my family (no friends there as it's not my hometown but I make friends easily)
He says he'll come with us and we can all start over. He's a great dad but it's only for such a small percentage of the time.
I do want that happy family which is why I've stuck it out this long but I think he's a lost cause.
I guess I'm just hoping for a bit of sympathy or a kick up the bum and some perspective that being a single mum isn't so bad as being in a relationship with someone who's a dead weight.