Dp has tonight left me because I didn't think it was appropriate for him to say he wanted a shower at the kids bedtime. He thinks it's ok because he's been at work all day and I haven't. Friday is my one day off and it has been spent trying to keep the kids entertained whilst doing chores. I also cooked tea and washed up while he sat there watching. I said he could shower when the kids were in bed. I have apologised for being annoyed at his timing.
He thinks I'm bang out of order because he was at work and I had the 'luxury' of having a shower today. I have repeatedly tried to explain the amount of stuff I do on Friday so we can relax at the weekend as much as possible. He shouted at me but told me off for shouting at him. He called me names in earshot if the kids.
He has been in contact and wants me to let him spend the day with the kids tomorrow because I had to chance to be with them today. He has been giving me grief about what a horrible person I am. I feel like I am a nag because I have to constantly ask for help. He says I'm horrible to him constantly when I say it's mostly just me asking for help. I do get angry sometimes when I've repeatedly asked for something and it gets ignored. He doesn't remember that I've asked so many times before. We both have pressure from our jobs though his is very stressful, partly because he does too much at work and his boss takes advantage of that. He's very forgetful so I have to ask for everything.
I don't want a 50/50 split, I just want to not be doing chores like washing so much, because it's just me doing them. He says we should reuse the kids clothes but most of the time they have food on them (kids are 4 and 1). He goes out to his shed every night for a while. He told me on the phone that he does an equal split considering I work one day less than him, I asked him how much of the washing, washing up, food shopping, cooking, ironing and bills he's done this week (I could add others but he says things like drying up, vacuuming and dusting aren't necessary so I didn't mention those). He refused to answer then says he must be an awful person and he obviously does nothing. I explained that I never said he did nothing, I just listed all the things I do all of. I point out that I thank him when he does helpful things. He tells others that nothing he does is good enough. As I said I give him praise when he's helpful. He thinks wiping the high chairs after tea one night means he's very helpful and means he should get a break for anything else. Of course that is helpful but I do it every other night.
I really don't want things to end but I am going to forever be the nag for asking for help and sometimes boiling over when I repeatedly don't get help. I just want him to understand the time I spend doing jobs but he seems to think I manufacture jobs for the fun of it. I do less than I used to but obviously having kids generates a lot of clothes washing etc. He thinks cleaning is unnecessary, I do a very quick whip round most weeks at times when it doesn't affect him. Not sure what the point of this post is really. I'm very doubting of whether I should just do all these things and not get annoyed by what I perceive as a big imbalance.