Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

opinion / advice

7 replies

Liv02 · 02/11/2018 10:03

My DS has been on and off sick since end of August, started with chest infection and has had bouts of cough since then leaving him unable to attend nursery of some days.
I work part time 3 days a week and DS is in nursery on those days, my partner (his dad) works full time. He has at least 2 days a week when he doesn’t start work until evening, on those days I normally work and DS is in nursery. So when DS was not well on one of those days, I naturally expect my partner to stay at home with him. This is turning out to be a big problem. My partner normally makes a plan, either doing work around house or more often working on developing his business and he is literally mad when he needs to stay and look after DS. He says he is trying to achieve something but he needs to cancel his plans because of DS. This happened about 3 times since September. He also thinks that DS is fit enough to go to nursery – yes, he seemed better in the morning, but was up most of the night coughing and he expects him to do 9 – 17:30 full day at nursery ?! DH works hard and long hours but he is frustrated in his job and is trying to change his career path – the time he has off he wants to dedicate majorly to try and achieve this. BUT – does that mean I should not go to work myself when DS is not well?
To make things worse, he keeps repeating that my mother should come and help us indefinitely, so that he doesn’t have to stay with DS so often as he seems to be poorly every other week. My mother is retired but lives abroad, so not as easily done.
We fight so much about who does more, who does less, without having to go into more detail, we just can’t come into any sort of understating in the matter and I don’t know what to do anymore…

OP posts:
NewLevelsOfTiredness · 02/11/2018 10:11

Oh, I've seen so many examples of men not seeing child-raising as 'their' responsibility, but I think expecting their MIL to move country to enable this is a new one! Shock

Sorry he's being like this - no advice but my opinion is that he's being entirely unreasonable.

Pessismistic · 02/11/2018 19:21

It doesn’t matter works what hours it’s his dc and he’s there during the day does he not realise family is more important than work or money why should your dm do it she’s raised her dc god help him if he had to be in the hospital for months like some parents just tell him dc is 50/50 responsibility and to be grateful it’s not worse. Poor dc hope he gets well soon.

undomesticgodde55 · 02/11/2018 19:53

What sort of hours is he working and what is his job role? I'm asking as I currently work full time which includes nights 7pm to 7am shifts which genuinely are a killer and rest/sleep is needed before work.

You say he is doing other things during the day, how much time is he really spending doing this? Is it all day every day or just a few hours every day?

I understand the frustration, he is obviously trying to provide for the family with 2 incomes. Have you spoken about how much time he is spending and missing out on time with the children? Does he know you can do without materialistic extras for a few years until your son is a bit older - maybe worth saying look I know you don't like your job but family comes first and what you need right now is help with your son.

Santaisgettingbusy · 02/11/2018 19:56

Has your ds been assessed for asthma op?

Liv02 · 15/11/2018 21:07

Thanks everyone. No it's not always the matter of earning extra on those days. For example,just now, DS with fever and cough,DH refusing to stay with him tomorrow because he was planning to finish doing the cupboards!!? And I am due to work tomorrow. Just had a massive argument and I don' t see a positive way out of this repeating situation, so so angry and helpless

OP posts:
Joysmum · 15/11/2018 21:16

Ask him if he’d be prepared not to go to work to look after DS on one of your days off because your priority is doing the garden. He’s being fucking ridiculous!

Pessismistic · 15/11/2018 22:15

What type of father puts cupboards before his own dc a sick one at that? just tell him you have to work or lose a days pay to stay off seems like your only option to me. I’m not surprised your angry if work aren’t on your back I would stay home and lose the money this might make him change his mind.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page