Assessment for couples counselling. What to expect?

[katherinez]

As I have said on other threads dh and I have been having problems recently. We have an assessment next week to see if we are suitable for couples counselling. Just wondering what to expect really, not so much from the counselling but from the initial assessment. Dh thinks they will do compatability tests or something which is worrying me. I think he thinks they are going to tell us whether we are meant to be together or not! Has anyone had an assessment like this? Can anyone tell me what they are likely to do/say? Im so worried. TIA

Well done katherinez! You'll be fine! We saw a few councellors before we met someone we both liked, but it was worthwhile going through the process. One thing that has stuck was that our councellor was always telling us that we have to be careful the way we speak to each other. I notice more and more that the way people communicate can have a really physical effect.

I have had a good look at the Womens Aid website over recent weeks and Marriage/couple councelling doesn't deal with domestic violence, since they consider it to be potentially dangerous. There are other organisations who can help.

I hope it goes well. I expect it will be a great relief to be able to talk about things in a safe environment.

Well we went this week and was ok. The counsellor was really good. Made us see things from both sides. Dh not so sure but has said he will go again. Although he is still adamant it wont keep us together. I am praying the counselling will help him to want to try.

Does anyone have any positive counselling stories? Positive being where it helped you to rediscover each other ?! Stay together?! I dont know, Just could really do with some reassurance to help me stay positive! Please?

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Im sorry to hear that Dior. Its such a scary time. Was the session very different from your assessment? Are you going to go again? I hope things get better for you soon.

Any positive couselling experiences anyone. Please?!

yes had positive experience of couple counselling. In fact DH and I probably wouldn't be together and definitely wouldn't have had DD without it.

Went for an assesment couple of weeks ago..waiting for follow up apt..one of the screening Qs was either of you on ADs..I was for pnd ...but stopped taking them one day and over the space of a month my life fell apart...they insisted that i went back to my Dr..which I have...feeling better now ...but confused as to whether my rage which ended in my husband leaving was to do with my 1)depression 2) coming off drugs rapidly 3) my real feelings??...husband home now..things OK..I am feeling calmer...but dont want the probs to be "blamed" on my emotional state..there are real live issues...i am keen to get back as really want some guidance as to how we can help our relationship think that there is little debate/resources/support out there to help marriage compared with for instance "parenting"...but you cant be much of a parent if your relationship is shite. Felt weird going to relate ..ashamed??..bit dramatic?? have nt told anyone..insisted my husband made the appt...and right up until we were outside the door he kept saying " do we still need to go?"...I really see this is an investment in ouor family future I hope it works good luck to you -- the books on their website look good...has nayone read any of them??

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Just going to the assessment made me realize there are so many issues which have affected our relationship. I am trying to be positive but dh is adamant it wont help. He is convinced it is over. I am hoping his feelings are still there, just very well hidden IYSWIM. I am hoping and praying we can work through this. I guess I want the counselling to make him realize he does have feelings for me after all. God, I must sound completely desparate. I guess I am.

Pinkteddy- Did either of you go to counselling thinking it was over?

Knackered- I am reading the related book staying together which is quite good so far. Good for helping you to think through things.

Dior- I hope things pick up for you soon.

< clutches at straws>

It was a long time ago so difficult to remember exactly how I felt. But things had got so bad, we had been living apart temporarily but both wanted to try again. So the counselling was really to see if it was possible for us work things out IYSWIM. I haven't read your other thread so don't know if issues are similar are not - I posted as you asked for positive counselling experiences.

KZ We wouldn't be together without it. I came out of the first session feeling really positive (relief), then by the third session (as we got into the nitty gritty of things) felt much worse about our prospects, which i'm told is quite common, then it got better from there. I'd say have at least 6 sessions, before you judge its usefulness. Good luck. x

Thanks for your replys everyone. I feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall. I just dont understand why he is being so reluctant to try. Dh is saying he will only go to a couple of sessions , so I guess I will need to bring that up at the first session and see what the counsellor says.