Family visiting newborn...

[AvoFriday]

If you lived 250 miles away from your family, and your mum and Dad were separated and wanted to visit regularly, would you be happy for them to stay? I'm happy for my parents to visit whenever they want as they are my family and want to get to know their grandchild, but I'm worried DP will be annoyed with them being in the house... his family pop round all the time as they are all local. How do I manage this? My grandparents have done a huge amount for us, mum spend hundreds on NIPT and paid half the deposit for our mortgage, Dad paid for our pram, car seat, put a huge amount of money in to our DSs savings account etc. They both contribute to his life, and it's not like they just swan in and out when they want...

How would you manage this? How would you feel if this was your IL? Taking in to account my partner's family are all local and pop over most days, and mine are not...

*my parents, not grandparents.

It would also mean I have company during the day on my maternity leave...

You're very lucky to have parents who want to help so much. Couldn’t you ha em this conversation with your Dp though? I mean that in the nicest possible way but only he can tell you if he’d be annoyed by them staying.
Personally I would not want my in laws staying in my house a lot but our families are both local so it’s not an issue here. They never ever visit and don’t do anything to help us.

@LorelaiRoryEmily definitely but I know what he's like. He will say 'it's fine' when inside he wants to say no. He's far too soft!

I think unless there's a massive drip feed coming then he can suck it up.

What does he say? My mum came to stay e every month while I was on maternity leave; it wasn’t really put to DH as an option but she would help with cooking, cleaning and shopping when she was here as well as the occasional hour of babysitting for us to pop out so it worked well

How regularly is regularly and do you have a spare room? Staying for a weekend each every 1-2 months I’d be fine with if I had space. I wouldn’t be ok with constantly having house guests and never having any alone time as family though.

@BumDisease no drip feed, we all get on very well!

Avofriday not sure why your DH would be annoyed at your parents staying? Seems a little odd that it worries you. I know my OH pulls faces when he knows my mum is coming which frustrates me as I host his DP and family all the time and they do stay. So I don’t put up with him when he starts. It seems he isn’t very relaxed around mine and I pull him up on it as I bend over backwards for his and expect that to be reciprocated. Dont let your DP staying at yours become an issue. If you start by asking for permission from your DH what are you going to say when he says he would prefer they didn’t stay over? I would be advising him that your DP are coming to stay and checking that your DH doesn’t have any other plans.

Do you have a spare room for them to sleep in? This makes the difference imo. People sleeping in the living areas I can see is problematic. Your dh should have no issues with them visiting regularly if his relations are popping in almost daily. If he does he needs to wise up, it's part of being in a family and like you say, it's you who'll be there for large parts of the day on account of your maternity leave. Has he actually said anything? What has brought about these worries?

We have a nursery that DS doesn't use yet and a mattress for them to sleep on. They'd be out of the way :)

What's NIPT?

I'm.really not seeing what the issue is here???

Yes, of course it’s fine. My mum and stepdad live abroad. My mum (sometimes both of them together) comes to stay with us for a week at a time about 3-4 times a year. It’s not ideal. It’s very intense and exhausting to never have a break from each other, but it’s just one of those things when you move away from family if you want to see them. Sometimes they do stay in a holiday let when they want a bit of peace and quiet, but it’s expensive to do every time.

If he says it’s fine then I’d take it that it’s fine and if it annoys him surely he’ll say something.