Where's your fat? Good Boy.

[fisil]

My Mum has always seen it as her duty to tell me how fat I am. As a teenager I tried to make her happy, but however much I got skinny she still told me I was fat. So I decided there was no point, that I may as well be happy and fat!

I reckon I've done pretty well (well a few hang ups). I am determined that ds will be happy and confident about himself, and have really tried to avoid all the pressures about food etc. that my mum put on me.

Well, he's been to stay with my parents for a few days. They brought him back today. He is at an age when he is learning all about his body parts, so a lot of conversations start "where's your ..." My mum had ds on her knee and said "Where's your fat?" And then got him to grab the fatsuit that babies have around their wrists.

I was furious. I didn't say anything because I didn't want her to talk about fat issues in front of DS (and cos I didn't want to be told I'm fat). I can't say anything to DP because he'll be mad.

Is this just my old demons, or am I right to be so upset?

I must admit that i call my ds by chubby liitle baby even though he isnt really. Alot of people say oooh isnt he big for his age (like they do),but if someone used the word fat, especially family then yes i would be upset by that. He is only little and it really shouldnt be an issue for him. Yes it could be taken as a sweet thing for him to do at the moment, but if he was olsder as 9/10 or a teenager then he could take it personaaly and thats when problems could start as you well know from your own personal experiences.

Have a quiet word with your mum and let her know how you feel about it, im sure shell understand and if she doesnt at least she should have the common courtesy not to do it again as she'll realise it upsets you. iyswim

Ahh, you and I must share mothers. My mum watched me give DD one biscuit and said. You don't want a biscuit darling, biscuits make you fat...You don't want to be fat do you? She is 2.5yrs FFS!

I don't know what to suggest, I just sat there with my jaw on the floor!

Fisil - food, eating etc. is such an emotive issue. I know exactly what you mean - there are certain phrases that always bring tears to my eyes and they are all connected with food in some way. My 3 month old DS is 22lb and people are constantly referring to his size and reacting in mock horror when I tell them his weight, however he was born 11lb 5oz and has simply doubled his birth weight, as babies are meant to do! I did go through a phase of worrying that I had somehow "made" him that size and that he and I were in some way greedy...
Being told you are fat by your mother is awful - my mum is exactly the same, for her maintaining a slim figure is all about self control. I think you are right to be upset - could you talk to her about how you feel without getting too upset about it? Perhaps just mention it in relation to DS without mentioning how it has affected you (incase it sounds like a "you ruined my life..." type conversation). Perhaps you could also reinforce the body part game with DS but obviously miss out the unwanted part and teach him where his wrists are?
Stand firm and continue to teach your DS positives about food, body shape etc. and he will be fine. (I hardly ever give advice on Mumsnet, but your post struck such a chord..I had to.)

Thank you. You make me feel like I am being reasonable. I will certainly do the positive reinforcement with ds, Judd. Lowryn, Ds was a beautiful baby like yours, and some media types on the tube once said "uh, look at that baby, it's so fat!" It was only later that I realised I should have said to DS "Look at those women, their skin is all brown and leathery"

Not sure I can cope with talking to my mum, though ...

Oh, fisil, your DS is just so perfect and adorable, I am v cross on your behalf that your mum has done this. (You are perfect and adorable too, you are not fat, good grief!)

I think the demons are hers though rather than yours. There was another thread on this recently, about parents who make comments about the size of their daughters, I think it's because the parents have issues themselves. Will see if I can find it for you but meanwhile please please don't let her get to you!

Fisil, I was going to say exactly what JanH has said - it sounds like your mum has some food/ body issues she could do with addressing.

Fisil, I agree. My mum admits to having a hangup about weight issues. "Father Xmas" gave her a diet book and a pair of weighing scales for her 13th Xmas. She must forget that what she says is just passing the hangup down the generations.
My DD is a wonderfully gorgeous 2.5yr old. She is chubby but has a good diet (she still has the extra fold in her mid arm)! She was a cuddly baby and will soon lose her puppy fat before long. If she doesn't though, well. So what...More for mummy to cuddle eh?
Ps I think that the people on the tube were jealous

Fisil - I would be furious as i think that sort of thing from a young age encourages children to become obessive about imperfections and can be very damaging to a childs confidence, especially getting him to point it out!! I can appreciate that you do not wish to say anything for fear of your weight being commented on but i think you've got to say your peice to stop this sort of thing happening again in the future.