I am not sure what to do and I am kindly asking for opinions. I have been with my husband for 14 years we are married for 10 years but for the last year I am not feeling happy. I am 39, he is 37 and we have a daughter 8 years old. We both work full time. I have long term anxiety depression problems however i control it with medication. the last 2 years i had a few physical health issues that have been resolved either through operations or medication. I fully understand that doesnt make me the easiest person to be around and is having a negative impact in our releationship and the day to day running of the household. As a result he has to do more than the fair share of housework. The last few months he is increasingly not talking to me, when i talk too him i dont think he is listening because he cant remember any of the information i passed on. I am the only one that starts a conversation and if i do not and be quite he is asking why i am miserable again. the last few months I had to change a job due to the fact I was being bullied. He was not supportive, and told me that I was weak, however i didnt want to invest any more time and effort in battling the issues at work. So i went ahead and got a new job and I am much happier. however the job, has increased the commute from 35 minutes to 1:30 hours. I am the one responsible for picking up our child from afterschool club. so after of months of arguing the possibility of him to cover 2 pick ups so i can have a bit less stress during the week he agreed. His reasons were that i was the one who wanted to change job. Anyway, since then I had to have an operation to treat a physical issue and I also found a lump in my breast last month, however it was turned out to be just excess tissue. this morning he had to take me to work and on the way there he told me most of these problems are in my head and he is tired of putting up with my depression and I am not going to get any sympathy from him. I still have stiches from the operation and there was a real lump in my breast, it was clearly shown on the scans. I went through the operation and breast cancer investigation on my own. I fully confessed that I am not the joy of life when he is around. what i have notice is that i am happier when it is just me and my daughter or at work. At home I feel that I am always treading on eggshels, not knowing when or what would set him off. I know on top of everything I spoil my little girl and she is very naughty at home. He is nearly always annoyed with her and shouts at her and even hit her a couple of times and I am not going to permit that again. I was abused as a child and strongly refuse the use of hitting for discipline.
He also said he is really upset for not wanting to be intimate often and he doesnt want to be with an invalid. I can understand that it is my fault, however I dont feel like it because of mixture of constant stress of daily life, health issues anxiety,trying to prevent the outbursts of anger etc and luck of support for anything that is bothering. I think he needs someone completely different to me, I feel I am just too much burden and I think I should be leaving to give him a change to rebuild his life with someone less complicated.Also, he is often complaining that I am overweight and not as fit as him. I have lost 10 kgs and I am trying to loose more and I also do classes of dancing but I am nowhere near as fit as him neither I am ever going to be fitness freak.
I am considering looking for the next steps for separating. I told him this morning and he said that he is still happy with me but he wants to come home to someone that smiles and doesnt have any issues. I said I dont think we are moving forward anymore and he said ok. Hope this decision is the right thing.
I am so sorry for the long post I think I am trying to verbalise all these feelings that are in my head.