Online Dating/Apps

[olagthemeerkat]

Hi there,

New on here and just wondered which sites or apps anyone has used to meet their partner with like minded interests?

I like the outdoors and countryside lifestyle but never had any luck with the Muddy Matches or Country Living dating sites because the nearest users were 70 miles away, or out of my age range. I am 36 so looking for someone between 28-40.
I don't think the niche sites seem to have many active users on but i don't know which other sites to use. I don't think paying for a site either means more genuine users. I have tried POF but hear it is utter crap these days and full of weirdos.
Generally i am happily single and but would be nice to meet someone for good company and have a sex life again! Been 2 years since i have had any sexual relationship and don't fancy having to wait another year (grin)

P.S. Do any of you that does internet dating actually put "I am looking for a life partner or relationship"?

Thanks

I’ve tried all the apps and met lovely people on bumble, okcupid, tinder and pof. I’ve also met complete lunatics because I haven’t listened to my gut, had proper boundaries and had very low standards at times!! If you know what you want, have solid self esteem and accept that it’s a numbers game you’ll be fine! Give any of them a try - you’ll find most people are on more than one app.
Another tip is if you get their phone number search Facebook with it and google it to make sure they aren’t married/nuts/violent

I found my husband on pof 4 years ago. Best thing I did was hide my profile from searches and I had to message someone first before they could see my profile. Scary but oh well! Means you can pick age, location etc xx

None
It's like a meat market. Stay clear

@Lex4000 that is just it i don't have solid self esteem and something i am working on.

@Russell19 Glad you managed to find your husband on POF

@Issy777 Sorry to hear it wasn't much of a good experience.

I would still prefer to meet someone in real life though as physical chemistry is very important to me. Can't tell from a photo if your going to fancy the person in real life can you sadly.

@olagthemeerkat I’d avoid internet dating at all costs if you feel a bit shit about yourself. It can be horrendous. Have you tried meet-up or other social apps? I went to some meet-ups and got amazing friends who I then went out with and met men that way. There’s also always blokes at the meet-up so if you like them you can test chemistry straight away

Been to a couple of meet ups yes but they are irregular so never the same people so you don't really get to know someone.

Only other social app i use is Twitter but use the desktop version.

Hi OP, I think it all boils down to persevering. I tried both Tinder and POF. I struggled to even get a date to be honest. I'd get bombarded by weirdos on POF and on Tinder, if I did match with someone, they either didn't bother messaging or had absolutely no conversation at all. Oh, or were just looking for NSA.
I did eventually meet someone on Tinder and had a 7 month relationship with them, however it didn't end well. But, it does go to show you can meet someone, you just have to weed out all the morons first.

That is the trouble though you can't really weed out the morons til you meet in real life as so many tell lies and misrepresent themselves online. However i guess you can tell if someone is flaky by taking too long to reply to messages etc or avoid answering certain questions.

I am generally a good judge of character and can see through fake people!!

@olagthemeerkat yes you're right about that too. Although I struggled to even make it to the meet me stage.
I had one guy who actually seemed really nice and normal. he messaged me first on POF and didn't try to turn the conversation to sex. We arranged a date, he cancelled it and then blocked me!!! wtf?

Met my DH on POF, just over 10 years ago. Still together and blissfully happy.

There are though, a lot of married men on dating apps. If they are reluctant to meet up, that's a red flag imo. You want to find a Partner, not a bloody pen pal.

Are you sure going 8 years younger is wise? If you want kids, you need to be doing that sooner rather than later. A 28 year old may not be ready.

Met my ex through OKCupid.

He showed his true colours after we moved in together. He is narcissistic, controlling, abusive, very angry, sexually disfunctional and has zero social skills. However, he was able to put on a wonderfully charming front for a time until I was sucked in.
He’s now on all the free sites doing the same thing. Makes me feel angry and frustrated I can’t do anything to warn the women. I didn’t listen to anyone warn me against him as he has honed his acting skills to a ‘T’

I paid to join Match for 6 months and met a few guys through that. One I was seeing for a couple of months and another for 6 weeks but nothing more than that. There wasn’t a massive turnover of new faces though so although I would consider it again in the future, I would probably only join for a month or two at a time.
I also tried POF, Tinder and Bumble but each one only briefly as I just didn’t like the whole swiping thing...it felt too much like I was shopping and was so impersonal (for me).
I’ve decided to give the whole thing a break as my self esteem was worse than before I started OLD!

@Spanielmadness similar happened to me. Met a guy in tinder and dated for 7 months. He embellished the truth about every aspect of his life eg “worked from home” meant he was unemployed. “Had no car” turned out to mean he lost his licence. Eventually I found out he was an alcoholic!
He’s back on POF with the same lies on his profile and I’d love to be able to warn women about him too!

I met my soon to be DH on PoF. Had to weed out a lot of weirdos in the process but they made for some fun stories!

I tried muddy matches too as I prefer a country lifestyle but my nearest match was miles away - it seems a good site if you live in certain areas, but no good for most.

I also used POF and have met my last 3 partners on there. I'm not sure I'd recommend it unless you're willing to spend time weeding through losers, narcissists and liars. The constant messages are irritating so are best left ignored the majority of the time.

The first two guys I ended up in relationships with turned out to be deeply hung up on their exes from years before. This does seem a theme after speaking to other online dating users. I've heard match.com is a better option with it being a paid site and I know more people with a better experience on there, however as people have previously mentioned, guys tend to use various sites with slightly different profiles. Luckily I didn't tend to attract many men just after sex as I had an extensive profile full of 'requirements' to weed out anyone who wasn't looking for a long term thing.

Huskylover1 makes a good point - younger isn't a good idea if you want a family in the near future. I always dated older guys but last time I put my profile on I forgot to change my age range and met someone younger. I stuck with it as we are so similar and he's pretty amazing - but fast forward 9mths and he persuaded me to terminate our baby as he 'wasn't ready', despite me likely being too old to conceive again when he decided it's the right time 🙄.

As for your question about whether we state we are looking for a relationship - yes I do. I also state that I'm not interested in casual sex and list the things that I absolutely can't bear in a partner. One of my exes did use that list to help him lie to get on a first date in the hope he could win me round 😄.