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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Partners family

3 replies

Bo19987 · 31/10/2018 16:37

I have been in a relationship for several years and i have a teenage daughter from a previous relationship. My partner currently lives with me in mine and my daughters home.

To cut a long story short, my partners family have a Mediterranean background (as i do) so we come together naturally as a family. However his mother who is very nice to me and my daughter in front of both sides of the family (so not one else would know any different) has made many comments to me telling me that both myself and my daughter are not a part of the family.

Whilst i was going abroad for work for a few days, my partner was looking after my daugher. So his mother invited my partner out and made several comments in front of me that my daughter isnt invited.

Following on, she has made a point to be abroad for my daughters birthday weekend which is unusual as birthdays are very important in my partners family.

When my partner pulls her up on things, she denies it all. But she constantly lies and tries to create a divide between myself and my partner. Saying one thing to me and something different to him. Its got to the point where so much has happened and has been manipulated that its made me quite ill and i dont feel comfortable being around his mother at all.

I feel he is in a situation because its his mum, but at the same time she is doing nothing but creating problems non stop. We haven't seen her for several months, but i know despite was shes doing he misses her a lot. But she doesnt seem to want to change.

I havent done anything to her at all and i have tried my best but it feels that she resents me and my daughter in her sons life.

I have a good job as he does but she creates issues regarding money as if i am going to take his money (i earn more than him and own a property). But i am aware she talks about me behind my back to her family giving the impression im after his money.

I have always been independent financially and never reliant on anyone and i know this is somthing she doesnt like because she cant control me. But, where she has controlled my partner growing up, he can really behave like a child at times and cant think for himself. But since he has been with he, thats changed as he is becoming his own person, which she doesnt like because he doesnt go to her for advuce etc.

I suppose my concern is i dont want my daughter raised around this and i dont want to be a part of it at all. I am happy to continue without her in my life because i am genuinely sick of it.
My partner feels the same but of course he is going through the motions of hoping his mum will change.

Am i being unreasonable ?

OP posts:
AnyaaaaaaaaaaaarghMumsnet · 01/11/2018 09:36

Hi there OP,

Would you like us to move your thread to AIBU, Relationships or Stepparenting? We think you might get more support there.

Bo19987 · 01/11/2018 11:16

Yes please, sorry im new to this site!

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 01/11/2018 12:38

No you are not BU at all.
I would make it clear to your partner than it's HIS mother and HE is perfectly entitled to a relationship with her. However, you don't want one with her and you won't be engaging with her anymore.
If she wants to visit then she and your partner will need to sort out other accommodation as she is no longer welcome in YOUR home!
Then just don't bother with her again.
No-one is worth your own ill health.
Just cut her out and leave her son to do what he needs to do.

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