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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I feel like the world's biggest Idiot, why do I do it!!!

11 replies

Lorddenning1 · 31/10/2018 12:26

Bit of a back story....

Me and Ex separated 10 weeks ago, it was a mutual decision. We have 2 children together DS1 and DS2. We both was not happy in the relationship, we have both had to work hard at it and it just wasn't working anymore. We had started to argue in front of the children and we didn't want them growing up in an unhappy household.
He moved out, all going OK until I found out he had a new girlfriend after 2 weeks, he loves her and she is the real deal etc.
At first I didn't deal with the new relationship very well, I had a bit of a breakdown, had time of work, couldn't eat or sleep, iv since gone back to work and I'm doing OK, just waiting on some counselling to help me, but overall i feel more positive and i can now see the situation for what it is.

The stupid part, I recently started a FWB, he is a friend of mine and we both said we didnt want anything serious, and it was just going to be sex and dates etc, that suited me fine, as i have the kids but they stay at their dads once a week. this was a good distraction for me and helped me stopped thinking about my ex, i had a few wobbles and felt it was moving too fast and cancelled on him a few times, but all was generally ok.
Until last weekend, I had agreed we werent seeing each other but then ended up seeing each other every night, we had lots of sex, lots of cuddles and i even stayed over (normally against the rules) we sat in bed sunday morning drinking a cup of tea and it felt like we were in a relationship, he offered to make me breakfast and i panicked and went home.
I feel like we have been moving really fast and the dynamics have started to change for me anyways. he has started to creep into my thoughts and i find myself smiling all the time, and if i see something funny, i want to message him and tell him, i feel like this has been equally matched, we message each other the same amount.

So after the weekend i have been thinking do i want more and why am i feeling like this, i came to the conclusion that i would want something more but in the future, im happy to carry on like we are but i can see myself settling down with him down the line. again i scared myself and i was going to back off and give myself some space, but my friends convinced me to tell him how i feel, so i did and his response, he likes me to but cannot commit at the minute,,,,
Hmmm ok, so we have ended things and gone back to being friends, and now im gutted again sad why have i done this to myself sad im such an idiot....

OP posts:
Lorddenning1 · 31/10/2018 12:28

I have asked MN to change the title, Worlds not words

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Adora10 · 31/10/2018 12:52

You are certainly not an idiot, you were just honest, you now know what he thinks, this is exactly why I never promote or agree with a FWB situation; it always seems to benefit the man rather than the woman, well usually.

Find yourself a man that wants to show you off, declare you as his GF and be happy in your company, you sound ready for it.

Lorddenning1 · 31/10/2018 13:05

thank you for your reply, the only positives from this experience is that i cant do FWB any more (i have in the past) and maybe that im ready to find love again :) gives me a bit of hope.
but the FWB guys was perfect for me and im upset about it and cant drag myself out of my mood, i feel like iv gone through so many feelings in a short amount of time.

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DogDayMorning · 31/10/2018 13:11

Your Lordship, I don't think you're an idiot but I do wonder whether you have given yourself enough time to get over the LTR. 10 weeks is no time at all, even though it was a non-runner for a while before that. Maybe take a break from men/dating and concentrate on you, your children and Christmas for a couple of months, then review how you feel?

Lorddenning1 · 31/10/2018 13:15

maybe your right, i just feel a bit unloved and unwanted at the minute.

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DogDayMorning · 31/10/2018 13:20

I know exactly what you mean and it's a rubbish feeling, but you need to love yourself and be kind to yourself first. That gives you resilience when faced with this sort of stuff. I suspect your ex having a new squeeze affected you very deeply, but just because he rushed into something else quick doesn't mean you have to.

Lorddenning1 · 31/10/2018 13:22

Thank you, im hoping Councelling will help me

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DogDayMorning · 31/10/2018 13:30

Counselling sounds like an excellent idea! Plus exercise, sleep, decent food, surrounding yourself with family and friends who love you - basically, nurturing and repair

Lorddenning1 · 31/10/2018 13:40

iv been doing the exercise, sleep, decent food, surrounding yourself with family and friends, but its not worked, maybe i need to give it more time.

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pumpastrotter · 31/10/2018 13:52

I definitely agree with the above that 10 weeks is not enough time to get over your last relationship. You'll end up being codependent if you rush in with someone else, it's the routine and company you're essentially grieving. Wait till after the new year and go on a few dates, learn to enjoy your own time (easier said than done, but you'll be a better person for it).

Lorddenning1 · 31/10/2018 14:53

I agree I dont think im over the relationship, i keep telling myself that I am, but im really not :(

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